Little Corner of the Universe

Kiyoko on Bullying

2009-01-10T16:34:00.002-05:00

My world whirls at a quicker pace than I can keep up with. How is one supposed to keep up? Simply, it's impossible.
You will always find people who tell you, "To say something is impossible means you are not trying," but that just isn't so. Sometimes, you HAVE to give up, and say, I'll try again later.

Ok, onto todays topic... bullying. I have a message for all those bullies out there, those I know and those I don't:
Do you feel better pushing me around? Do you feel good about yourself seeing me fall? Do you feel powerful when you see me lying in the dirt motionless? Do you rejoice in my... dying? Why?Why must you kill me to be happy? Why must you push me down, push me around until I can take no more? Moreover, why can't you see what you do is wrong? I demand an apology for what you've done- and you ask, "What did I do?"

Kiyoko on Love

2008-12-29T19:48:00.002-05:00

Today's topic is love. Such a broad topic.

PART I: Crushes

There comes a time when you realize: "Hey! This isn't a game!"
Ah, that double edged sword. You can take that simple statement many ways, but usually as one of two:
1. It's serious. And it is! But I'm not going to tell you to get married only for the sake of a legacy, hell no. But giving your love away to someone you don't actually love? Bad choice.
2. It's no time trial. That's what I'm really getting at. Love has no time limit. Earlier this evening, I was trying to think of ways to tell Kuroda I loved him without actually just going out and saying it. But then it dawned on me- I'll tell him when I tell him. It'll happen when it happens. Que sera, sera. I don't have to force myself to tell him- he wouldn't like that, either. He likes me for me, and he's one of the only ... 8? Maybe 9, who do. I have other friends, yes. But what THEY see is a dumbed down version of Kiyo- one who does NOT role play, one who is ABSOLUTELY normal, one who isn't even Kiyoko Matsuoka. They see the cold shadow of what I once was. Back on topic though, Kuroda was the first to crack through that shell. When I had a crush on Michael, I downplayed my true self. (This was a year before I met Kuroda, don't worry.) I tried to be cute, girly, like the popular kids. I wanted to be someone he would like. Not so with Kuroda. For some reason, I felt shy around him. Where I was bold with everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, else, my voice grew quiet around him, I blushed easy and looked down alot, I even stuttered. When it came to ask partners for the Virginia Reel, I had to send a note through a friend. When he replied yes, my heart soared. I kept the note for as long as possible. I ended up dancing with someone else, though. They decided to choose our partners for us. If they hadn't, would things have been different? I think so. No one can know for sure. For a while, we were awkward around each other. I don't remember when we became friends- all I remember is saying plaintively, "Your friend doesn't like me." He replied, "What?". I said, "Sebastian. He doesn't like me." He said something like, "Oh, yeah." (after my first comment, everything gets fuzzy, so I'm trying to remember here. I DO remember the other boy, and what happened that led up to him hating me, and Kurodas confusion over the whole bit). We talked about a lot. I remember being nervous- I was NEVER nervous! Nervous was tests, nervous was doing my first dive. Nervous was not boys my age! Somewhere, he mentioned, or perhaps referenced, Harry Potter. I pointed that out, and we started talking more easily, getting more and more comfortable. Sometime the next year, I went to his house. We walked through the woods near his house. He apologized repeatedly at first because of the roughness. When I nearly sliced his shoulder with my bow, he realized I liked the roughness, so to hell with apologizing for it. We both loved book charecters; he made no secret of his crush on Hermione, then Luna, then some girl from Eragon. I, in turn, loved Bobby Pendragon, Artemis Fowl, and Domitan of Masbolle.
So, to make a long story short, I thought I didn't love him anymore.
Fuck that.
I thought I loved a boy named Paul. I will NOT go into that story again right now. But I realized soon enough that, like Michael, I hid the true me around him. Unlike the laughing, "Sorry! Sorry!"'s that came with hanging out around Kuroda, I increasingly mumbled, "I'm sorry, I'll do better, I'm sorry." To this day, my mind has been warped. I cannot see him for long periods of time. If I do I get more and more nervous until I explode in anger, flee the room, or burst into tears.
The boy I thought was my knight turned out to be a highway charlatan; the boy who seemed like the peasant turned out to be a knight on a white horse. Just goes to show.

PART II: Anime/Manga
Like I said, my mind is warped. And it is. I'm not going to lie or dumb it down. I mix reality with fiction. I wake up in the middle of the night crying because one of my fake brothers (and often, bishies) isn't there. For the record, the best way to deal with that is to tell me whoever it is:
A. Is on vacation
B. Told you to tell me that they'd be back soon
C. Is right here, stupid (then hand me an object semi-passible for the person; a bunny plush for Momiji, something really hard and big for Al. Like I said, semi-passible works- I'm asleep, remember?)
D. Isn't here right now, but oh, hey- he left me something so I can be comfortable (Anything leather/psuedo leather for Haru, A vest or portable game system for Matt. Improvise!).
I have a deep bond with all of the anime charecters I specificly mark out. Here are a few (including how the heck I'm related to them):
Haru: Brother. Easy going with a strange temper, I have problems with my love life (Maybe I'm more Rin >.>)
Hikaru: Brother. Hot temper when it comes to the person I love, extremely childish when it comes to that person.
Kaoru: I like to talk things out.

I'll finish this later. Maybe. Possibly? Dunno.

Even More Ramblings

2008-12-22T18:35:00.002-05:00

Kiyo's back (and... well, not better than ever. Damn cough.)

1. I damned people to hell today. It was fun.

2. Matty is simply the older brother type. He seems like the type who'd let his sister run out crying, then sigh and go see what the hell happened and if he could shoot the guy who'd done it to her. But he'd do it very casually.

3. Sometimes I mix reality and my own little world. I swear, everytime I go to sleep I instantly feel Matty behind me, lying next to me so I feel safe. I'm sure some night I'll be at a sleepover, and I'll wake everyone up because I'll being crying out pitifully for Matty or Haru or Momiji or whomever I can't find in my dream. I hope someone tries to mess with my dreams at the next sleepover.

4. I'd like to rant at those who send on pass-ons:
Do you HONESTLY think that whoevers up there/down there/in outer space judging us is going to go: "Holy crap! They didn't send on a passon! I think I'll crash their car now. Whoosh!~" ?
Of course not. It's as ludicrious as the people who pray for luck in gambling and sports. Sure, pray for the skills needed to preform these tasks, but don't pray about the outcome. I find it hard to beilieve whoevers up there/down there/sitting on a rainbow seriously cares about our mortal sports. Unless you're part of some weird cult. Then maybe your 'God' does. I don't know. I don't care. But seriously, luck is luck is luck. I have bad luck- sending on a pass on will not make Kuroda come to my house, confess his love, and kiss me. It just ain't happening that way. If he does, then it's of his own accord (Inner: OH SWEET GOD YES). Inner me, please shut the fuck up now.

5. Yes, your delicate Kiyo cusses. When she's pissed. Shut the hell up and get over it.

6. She also cusses when embarressed. That or she just leaves. Seriously.

7. No, I don't like Near. No, I don't hate Near. I just don't like him as much as I possibly could, because I started out with a preference for Mels. When you like Mels, it's hard to also like Near. And since my Matty is Mels cohort, the desicion for me was obvious.

8. I think I'm done... >.>

A couple little things

2008-12-21T15:54:00.003-05:00

1. The holidays are here! I'm so happy! And hyper! Yeah!

2. Pandora is so nice. :3 Too bad my headphones seem to have broken. D:

3. Matty (Mail "Matt" Jeevas) is my favorite brother now. Yeah, yeah, sorry Hika-nii, Kaoru-nii, Haru-nii, Kanky-nii, and Gaa-otouto. He's just too cool.

4. On the topic of Matty, Matt-Mello fluff is my new addiction. (My new chocolate, you could say. *winks at DN fans*)

5. Also on the topic of Matty (sort of >.>), I have always been comforted by the feeling of someone I'm related to (and, on rare occasions, people I like. This hasn't happened yet, but I guess I'd be ok with it sometime) lying down next to me when I fall asleep, or I like it when I'm waking up. I think this is where parts of several dreams have stemmed from.
A. Once, when waking up in a dream, I was between the Hitachiin twins. Since they're two of my nii-sans, I was fine with this.
B. Another time, I was scared near the end of a dream, when I was supposed to 'go to sleep'. I managed to get Haru-nii to lay down next to me. (Hey, he's like, a black belt, right? I'd feel safer!)
C. Here's the part where Matty comes in (no, I will NOT stop calling him Matty. He's my nii-san, and it's a term of endearment. Get over it). When 'waking up' in a dream that I had about 30 minutes ago, when I had a nap (stfu, seriously), I felt someone next to me in the big (ok, PLAIN) white bed. I rolled over, and Matty was there, curved so that he was as near to me as possible without waking me up. I reached out and touched his cheek, whereupon he woke up, and laughed embarressedly. I told him something like "That's ok, Matty, it's ok if you fell asleep. I was the one who asked you to protect me." He nodded and ruffled my hair, then stood up and walked into the other room (sort of a living room place). Attached to that was a kitchen, then another room with 2 single beds, one for Matty and one for Mels (so he's not my nii-san. But Matty convinced Mels (Mihael "Mello" Keehl) not to kill me for calling him Mels, since Matty himself is allowed to call him Mel, and it's not that different). That was pretty much where the actual dream ended, when I reached the door and saw what the place looked like.

Edit: I just realized something I should REALLY mention: everytime this happens, they are wearing their comPLETE normal outfits (ok, so the twins were in PJ's. Bite me. They were still wearing shirts and pants and stuff). There was NO INCEST INVOLVED. Geez. Perversion today.

Getting a wee bit ahead of myself

2008-12-12T21:42:00.002-05:00

I keep thinking of titles for a autobiography I would write someday. Here are a few:

I've met fate, and she's not short- just funsized
I've met fate, and they're all problem children
Seven Angels and Me
Destiny talks tough while Fate goes crazy
The angel on my shoulder kicks my head

A lot of these refer to fate and destiny as humans. That's cause, well, they are. Here's the breakdown:
The first one refers to Jet-san, and her motto (I'm not short I'm funsized).
The second refers to our little group: Jet, Nara and Hana, the hyperactive ones, Kisa, who sortof gets shunted aside (sorry Kisa-san!), Sasa, who is distinctly bipolar (You said it, not me!), Sempai, who is... Sempai, and Kuroda, who I'm sure got dropped on his head multiple times as a child. Hey, just cause I like the boy doesn't mean I can't speak my mind about him. It also refers to Yuki's comment that the student government being made up of problem children, the biggest one being him. Same goes here: I have issues even I don't know about.
The third refers again to our group, since even with all the trouble we go through, all of them are still my angels.
The fourth refers to Jet (as Destiny) and Hana (as fate). Both are infamous for those traits- Jet uses the blunt approach, while Hana goes hyper easily.
The fifth refers once again to Jet- she, at times, is the angel on my shoulder. There were budget cuts, I guess- she's also my devil. Sometimes I need to keep HER out of trouble. I think I need a new angel.

More Ramblings

2008-12-09T20:37:00.002-05:00

More random questions. To make this 'ramblings', not just questions, I say this- the "Gummy Bear Song" is very creepy in my opinion. Eek!

Do you have any pets? Yup, 4. Sparky-neko, Storm-inu, Emma and Inky.
What color shirt are you wearing? Black with pink/red/white rhinestones in a heart shape.
Name three things that are physically close to you: pillow, backpack, manga
What is the last book you read? If manga counts, then FMA 15. if not, then L8r, g8r.
Are you or were you a good student? Yup!~
What's your favorite sport? Baseball, prolly.
Do you enjoy sleeping late? Yep!
What's the weather like right now? Cold, but not snowing. ><
Who tells the best jokes? Um, I guess Ryuu.
What was the last thing you dreamed about? ....*blushes profusely* Kuroda... *is mortified*
Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? Nope.
Do you believe in karma? Not really.
Do you believe in luck? Kinda.
Do you like your eggs scrambled or sunny side up? Scrambled all the way!
Do you collect anything? If so, what? I guess stuffed animals counts. Oh! Rabbit things. They remind me of Momiji, which reminds me of Hunny, which in turn reminds me of L, and because I've been thinking of those guys, my mind automaticly goes to Al. It's a bishie chain!
Are you proud of yourself? Not really, eh hehe.
Are you reliable? Yes, I think I am.
Have you ever given money to a bum? Yeah, around Christmas last year. Technicly, my brother did, but I was with him. Ryuu said, "I don't care if he's going to spend it on drugs, even if the sign says it's for a sandwich. He needs something to get him through the holidays." Ryuu acts tough, but he's a real softie!
What's your favorite food? Cheesecake.
Have you ever had a secret admirer? No, but I do have a not-so-secret creep.
Do you like the smell of gasoline? NO.
Do like to draw? yep~
What's your favorite invention? Uh...
Is your room messy? YES
What do you like better: oranges or apples? Apples
Do you give in easily? Depends on what it is.
Are you a good guesser? Yup.
Can you read other people's expressions? Sometimes. Sometimes people perfect a "Yamani face", though, and I can't tell.
Are you a bully? No!
Do you have a job? Er, no.
What time did you wake up this morning? Around 6:30.
What did you eat for breakfast this morning? Oatmeal.
When was the last time you showered? About ten minutes ago.
What do you plan on doing tomorrow? Go to school :(
What's your favorite day of the week and why? Friday, it leads into the weekend.
Do you have any nicknames? Kiyo, Temari, "That one", "the violent girl"
Have you ever been scuba diving? Not yet
What's your least favorite color? Neon yellow. Ew.
Is there someone you have been constantly thinking about? If yes, who? Yes, my Kuroda-san.
Would you ever go skydiving? No. No no no no no.
What toothpaste do you use? Crest
Do you enjoy challenges? Yep!
What's the worst injury you have had? Does diabetes count?
What's the last movie you saw? Wall-E
What do you want to know about the future? Will I ever date Kuroda?
What does your last text message say? I was chatting with Sasa earlier...
Who was the last person you spoke over the phone to? ...Anna?
What's your favorite school subject? Math
What's your least favorite school subject? Health
Would you rather have money or love? Love.
What is your dream vacation? Hawaii, baby!
What is your favorite animal? Wolf
Do you miss anyone right now? ...My Kuroda-san.
What's the last sporting event you watched? I don't even remember.
Do you need to do laundry? Nope.
Do you listen to the radio? sometimes.
Where were you when 9/11 happened? In school, kindergarten.
What do you do when vending machines steal your money? Kick it. Repeatedly. Until someone pulls me away.
Have you ever caught a butterfly? No, sadly.
What color are your bed sheets? Blue? Maybe?
What's your ringtone? Don't gotta cell phone.
Who was the last person to make you laugh? Tsukiko. She's a new friend of mine. :)
Do you have any obsessions right now? Many. Many many.
Do you like things that glow in the dark? yeah!
What's your favorite fruity scent? Citrus of all kinds~
Do you watch cartoons? Uh, YEAH!
Have you ever sat on a roof? Don't I wish.
Have you ever been to a different country? Nope.
Name three things in the world you dislike: Bad anime-look a likes (Kappa Mikey, for instance), people who spoil stories for me (*sob sob L-san sob*), People who mock me (can I get a death note book? Please? I'll spend my life in limbo for it!!!)
Name three people in the world you dislike: Mrs RB, Ju Chan, Cilas. (Kibaek, Mallory (hope ya get hit by a bus, sweetheart!), Adam F, Adam E...)
Has a rumor even been spread about you? Yeah
Do you like sushi? Extremely
Do you believe in magic? Of course
Do you hold grudges? Yes.

Ramblings

2008-11-13T20:25:00.002-05:00

I'm bored, I don't wanna do memes, and somehow I'm not falling back on Sims. Odd. So instead, you get to hear me rant about... stuff. Ok, here we go:

I entered a contest. Pretty cool, and I kinda like my entry. Boost my ego, check it out. While you're there, laugh at my horrible tablet skills from my memes. http://subakunolily.deviantart.com/art/GaaHina-Neko-Ai-102988711

I should just go join the Black Magic Club (OHSHC) already. I've been slaving away at this Encyclopedia of Ghosts and Spirits, and have started to wonder if I might have been/be a poltergeist agent. Since reading the book, my trashcan has moved on it's own, and you know those grids that cover lights at school? I was really irritated in 6th period, and one suddenly fell down and swung on it's hinges. We all were freaked out, but then we started laughing. Nothing else weird happened, and the grid didn't seem loose before then. Odd...

I'm a mixture of every charecter I've ever read about, manga or non, plus a little Kiyo-spark. (Sure thats a word!) So, idioticly, I'm going to list as many charecters as I can remember and write why I'm like them.

Alanna (Tortall) - Stubborn as a mule I am.
Aly (Tortall) - Sneaky, and calculating.
Darkings (Tortall) - overly simple at times, but dead useful.
Chenaol (Tortall - Kyprin Isles) - I'm good in the kitchens, really!
Dove Balitang (Tortall - Kyprin Isles) - Really smart and logical, could take over IN LIEU of someone else.
Sarai Balitang (Tortall - Kyprin Isles) - Total Romantic.
Haruhi (Ouran) - Sometimes pretend to be something I'm not
Hunny (Ouran) - Totally little kiddish sometimes
Twins (Ouran) - Little devil at times (no, really!)
Tamaki (Ouran) - Overly dramatic to a fault
Mori (Ouran) - Have you SEEN my "I so do not want to be here" face? Just like this: -.-
Kyouya (Ouran) - Logical, cold, and ruthless when I want my way hard enough.

I'll finish later, if I feel like it. :P Give me a couple book charecter names. If I know them, I'll compare myself to them, esp if they're a girl.

A Glossary of Kiyo

2008-11-05T20:40:00.003-05:00

Often, when I say things, people say 'Huh?!'. So I'm designing this glossary to easily translate Kiyo-speak, which is often laced with Japanese and German.

Nyow - Nyow is a Cat Kiyoko drew in Algebra class. Nyow tends to be cuter than Kyonkichi (Neko-kun, Kyo Sohma, Kyon Kyon, etc) when drawn in ani form. Nyow is her 'Fall back cat' - if she can't think of something, or Kyo-neko-san refuses to be drawn, Nyow will cheerfully take his spot. Nyow was named after the sound cat's make.

Nani? - She asked you 'What?' in Japanese. Duh.

Gomen OR Gomenasai - She's apologizing. In japanese.

Neko-kun, Nezumi-kun, Kitsune-kun - This one actually takes a bit of explaining. She recently (randomly) decided to call the Juuinshi and Naruto (and anyone associated with an animal) by that animal. The exceptions are Momiji, who she calls Miji-kun (and other, more admiring names), and Kyo, simply because Kyonkichi gets a better reaction.

Ne? - Either you caught her off gaurd, she's using it in place of "no?" or "right?" at the end of a sentence, or she's randomly tacking it on because she thinks it looks cool. In any case, you can generally ignore it.

Baka - Fool, or idiot. She uses this one a LOT.

Bishounen - Pretty boy. Uses it to describe boys she likes or boys in Shoujo Manga. Includes Ed (MegaTokyo), Momiji Sohma (Fruits Basket), Yuki Sohma (Fruits Basket), Megumi Hanajima (Fruits Basket), Most of the Sohma's (Fruits Basket), Hunny-chan (OHCHS), and many others. She says on occasion, when confronted with the fact that she has multiple anime crushes: "It's not my fault I'm attracted to bishounen!"

Dummkopf - German for Stupid head. Used when she wants to insult people without them knowing it. (a surprising amount of people know baka.)

Kyuu - The sound of a sigh. Used rarely, and in various forms.

Kyuu... - She's either sad, sick, or otherwise afflicted. This includes thinking too hard.

Kyuu~ - She's extremely comfortable with her enviroment. Used most often when in a warm place drinking hot tea.

Cool - She's interested, but not really. She doesn't want to dissapoint you, though.

Cool! - She's genuinely interested. She cares about what you're saying, and applauds it/you.

Sugoi! - She's extremely interested. She's very happy for whatever is getting the benefit, or is truly excited. Sugoi means "cool" in japanese.

This just proves my sanity's going out the window

2008-11-03T20:59:00.002-05:00

Alot of the time, RPG's go on in my head. Then, when someone starts to chat with me, I'm in the middle of one. So, obviously, I drag them into it. My friends are so patient. The most often of these are the infamous Haruhi fights. No, I don't fight with Haruhi- I fight over her with Hikaru. You see, I'm in great distress that he won't date her, though I don't mind that he's dating Hana-chan. Often, I'll randomly lash out at him about it. It makes for odd conversations.

Zoo Tycoon

2008-11-03T16:52:00.001-05:00

I will be making a Zoo Tycoon Blog. That is all.

Teen Titans!~

2008-11-03T14:40:00.002-05:00

OK, I just started watching this show again, and started with 62 (which actually makes more sense than it sounds). I'm going to just jot down some notes:

#1- In the rest of the series, Raven is noticeably anti-social, preferring to do things solo than in a group. However, when she first meets the group, this scenario happens: Raven says that if they knew who she was, they wouldn't want her around. Robin says "I know enough." She smiles, and to me looks relieved, as if she can't believe they accepted her. Who would have thought the anti-social Raven would be happy to be in a group?

#2- Through the rest of the series, Starfire is 'nice' to everyone. When we first meet her, though, she says "Nice- we do not have this word on our planet. Closest is 'rutha'- weak!" If she really believes that, why does she act so nice later?
Subnote: It could be that after she sees the rest of the Teen Titans fight, even though they're nice, she decides nice is not necessarily weak.

#3- Raven has the best sense of humor, in my opinion. This is because instead of trying to get a laugh, she just speaks her mind, which makes her humor dry, and sarcastic. Seen here:
Beast Boy: But what about my secret identity??
Raven: What secret identity? You're green.
Yeah, she's awesome. There's also:
Everyone else: *arguing*
Raven: ... QUIET!
Everyone else: *silence*
Raven: ...Hi. *waves*

#4- I basicly like sarcasm in general. Example number 2!
BB: So after trashing a pizza parlor and a video game store, we're going to get the whole town vaporized?!
Cyborg: Go team.

#5- In the rest of the series ( I reference to it alot ><), the rest of the Titan's follow Robin completely and whole heartedly. This leads you to think that he was accepted as leader instantaneously. However, this is not the case. The first time he tries to take leadership, Cyborg challenges him with "Who made YOU leader?!" Innnnnnteresting.

#6- Every once in a while, I find an 'incarnation' of me. Raven would happen to be one of those. I'm gonna list a couple of quotes that apply directly to me.
Cyborg: Why are you always by yourself?
Raven: You heard [Beast Boy]. I'm different.
That's exactly why I hang back in most groups. I figure, "Almost no one understands me, or will want to talk to me once they know me. Why bother trying?" Instead, I let my writing do my talking for me. If you like my stories, chances are you'll like me. The point is, I'm by myself alot because of how different I am.

#7- Though Raven is in-arguably the most antisocial of them, she is the first to refer to the group as friends. During the battle on the Gordanian ship, a Gordanian comes up behind Starfire, Cyborg, and Robin. Before it can attack, however, Raven says angrily, "Get away from my friends!" I infer that however detached Raven might seem, she truly cherishes these 4 in the same way I cherish my few friends. Luv ya, Raven-baby!~

#8- There may be a reason Raven never laughs at BB's jokes, other than that she doesn't think them funny. When they first meet, after the Gordanian ship crashes, she tells BB "You know? You're kinda funny." BB replies with "REALLY? You think I'm funny?! I know some jokes!!! :D" She gets weirded out by this. If this IS deeper than we think, then she possibly was so unused to people wanting to please her that she instantly stopped laughing at his jokes.

Maybe I look too far into these. But really, a lot of things have deeper meaning than you think. Until I have more to say, Kiyo out!~

Z is for Zoo

2008-11-01T21:55:00.008-04:00

And Zoo is for ZOO TYCOON! I love this game. Currently, I am mad at my koala, Kaoru. (Yes, this has caused strange conversations, as did Kazuma, Arisa, Hana, and Kureno the pandas. How'd you guess?) Kaoru is truly a host- though I have two male koalas, two female koalas, hoping they'd pair off, Kaoru had something else in mind- now he has two kids, by different koala females! D'oh. I shoulda known better than to name him after a host. I think I might make a new blog called "Zoo Tycoon Chronicles". I'll do it if I have more than 5 things to say about my game, I think.
Incidentally, this is a Machi-Manabe style situation: His first mates (and in my mind, rightful mates) child is a girl, and his 'mistresses' is a boy. Since I said I would have a 'Kaoru' every generation, I grudgingly named the little bastard (bastard in the original sense of the word, meaning a child by someone other than the wife) Kaoru Jr. Gr. Meanwhile, baby Kaethe is doted upon by me. So I have favorites! Whatever! If I write a fanfic with Kaoru's child, it will be named Kaethe, even though thats not a japanese name. It's a tribute!!!

Edit: Kaoru has proven it! He is going to have his third child- by his original mate, Kimi!!! This makes me quite happy! It proves Kerry is a good for nothing mistress, who ALSO, by the way, has mated with Kevin, the poor left out soul.

Edit2: TOTAL MACHI-MANABE TIME! His second legitimate child was a son! Just like Machi's brother! TOUCHE! But Kaethe still reigns in the hearts of all! Yay for Kaethe! And I have made my allegiance plain- the illegitamite "Kaoru Jr" has been rechristened, as the legitamite son rightfully earns that name. the illegitimate one has now been named "Kerberos", meaning demon of the pit. I'm that serious on bloodlines. (Except in the peafowls- god knows what those bloodlines are anymore. There's like, one pure pair, and one male that has 3 chicks by 3 different females.(<-- the second part is true fact))

Edit3: Grrrr... I will BANISH Kerry! Make her a little pen JUST for her and Kevin, so she'll stop tempting Kaoru! Dangit!

Edit4: Much to my chagrin, Kaethe wants to mate. I have to take Kerberos out of the seperate pen so she can mate. Also, if I have one more edit (which I will, most likely) I'll make a new blog. yup.

A little story...

2008-10-30T18:26:00.002-04:00

Let me regale you with a story- completely true, but from an outsiders point of view.

She stood outside the school with the other kids. Her eyes either scoped the world around her, wide and terrified, or look with stony grimness at the sidewalk beneath her feet. Pushed inside in the frenzy, she finally makes it to her locker. Fighting her way upstream, she gets to the library, to pay her fine and pick up two books. Then she heads to her first period class right before the bell rings. She can loosen slightly there- pretend to ignore the boy next to her, when really, she's getting more embarressed by the second as he insults her books- her world, in her opinion. After that, in second period, the same boy sits in front of her. When he starts tossing bits of paper towel, she can't take it anymore. She stands up, calmly walks over to him, and puts her hand on his shoulder. "You're interrupting our studies. Please stop." She starts to go back, then adds, "You arrogant prat." The next class, she stays silent, thriving by being unseen. The next class is read for fun- she only gets this once a week, and loves it. The silence is beautiful, the concentration is wonderous. She finishes those books from the library and starts again on her big novel, the one she's halfway through. After that she goes to her next class, and nearly falls asleep. She got to sleep late the night before. Next is lunch, where she nearly gives up hope on humanity when she finds that the seat of her chair has broken off. While waiting for the teacher, she trudges up to the lunch line, where she surveys the room with dull eyes. Suddenly, her eyes widen as though seeing a miracle for the thousandth time and she still can't beleive it. She smiles with instant releive as a black haired, black eyed girl comes happily towards her. For once she can relax, and talk with someone she KNOWS won't mock her for real. The others hate her for being so different, and try to mock it out of her. But the black haired girl is different. She protects her. More than the fact that the other girl has friends, the brunette marvels at how it is SHE who gets the black haired girl over at her house for sleepovers, SHE who gets to go trick or treating with her. How lucky, she tells herself, she is. After that comes gym- she tries to avoid getting in the way like yesterday. Today, her failing is much less- she only missed one pass, disregarding the fact that only one pass was aimed at her. After that she tries to get her story in order, tries to ignore the pencil markings that show her mistakes, tries to think of them as encouragement instead of insults. Finally, she gets to last period, and nearly falls asleep again, simply because she has nothing else really to do, as she doesn't get picked (nor WANTS to get picked) for improve games. When the bell rings on this last period, she hurries to her locker, yanks out her bag, and rushes to her safe haven. She wishes she had more time- if this were any other Thursday, she would be curled up either in the beanbags or in the back room, resting humbly with old friends- Piro and Kimiko, Hanajima and Momiji. She'd be rating their performance- 5 of 5, 5 of 5, yes get more. But today is not that day- so instead, she grabs two volumes of MegaTokyo, one of Inuyasha (just to see what it's like), checks them out, and flies out the door. She reaches the High School next door, where her father isn't there, so she waits for half an hour for him to get there, and drive home. Tommorrow, she will start the cycle again- she will still be stressed, still be terrified of the school and other people. She will still be amazed that the black haired girl comes to talk to her, of all people, and she will still relax with Piro and Kimiko, maybe Hanajima and Momiji. She will still be the strong faced girl with the weak willed heart.

Da da da daaaaaaaaa DAAAAAAAAAAAA~

2008-10-27T16:48:00.002-04:00

What is this, the Kuroda saga? Once again, Kuroda-san was in my dream. This time, it didn't interrupt the dream, though, it just was the dream. I think this is what comes from reading too much Shoujo before bed. (Note: Shoujo=girls manga) Namely, Ouran. Namely, the date between Haruhi and Hikaru.

So, I was at the door to a cozy little bookshop I have never seen before (there were candles everywhere. YAY!), with my Mum. Suddenly, Kuroda was walking past, and then Mum said, "Hey, how about you shop with him?", pulling Kuroda out of the crowd. His face had this look like 'WTF?', while I thought 'Gee thanks, Mum." So she left us, vanishing into the crowd. Together, we walked into the book store. He instantly wandered off, leaving me very releived. I sank into this armchair, and stared at the shelf in front of me, thinking of nothing in particular. I glanced back several times, to see him browsing a shelf farther back. I turned back to my shelf, blushing, and the dream ended. I think I saw Ouran on the shelf, btw.

I'm so bored!~

2008-10-26T14:19:00.003-04:00

Ok, I'm in the church basment on the lappie, again, listening to Seranade, thinking, "I really wanna answer more random questions!" Taking it into my own hands, I went to go find more! XD

1. First name - Kiyoko
2. Were you named after anyone? I did name myself, in this case. But I named myself after the foreign exchange student who lived in my parents house's sister. The two are Akiko (foriegn exchange student) and Kiyoko (her sister). I REALLY wanna see them again, because they're so nice to me. I still have Kimono! Last time I saw them, one of their gifts was a little doll with auburn hair wearing a kimono. I was 5 or so, so with no knowledge of Japanese names and feeling English names wouldn't be pretty enough (a salute to my early days of Japanese fanaticism), I named her after the Japanese clothes she was wearing- the Kimono.
3. When did you last cry? Probably yesterday or the day before. But this is a good sign, me not being able to remember. It means I'm crying less.
4. Do you like your handwriting? Yep! Everyone says it's so neat! I'm just like "...really?" I'm so oblivious to myself! XD
5. What is your favorite lunch meat? Ham, I guess! (<-- barely eats sandwiches)
6. Kids? Nope!~
7. If you were another person, would you be friends with you? Probably. I like the way I am, contrary to popular beleive. Also, contrary to popular beleive, I am a Drama Queen at times.
8. Do you have a journal? Yes- I don't know how many!
9. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Maaaaaaaaaaybe. *shifty eyes*
10. Do you still have your tonsils? Yes
11. Would you bungee jump? Hell no. (<-- scaredy cat)
12. What is your favorite cereal? Smart Start cereal! Half the time I love junk food, half the time I'm a total health nut! Ja!~
13. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Nope!
14. Do you think you are strong? Strong willed, but weak muscled. I have SDTGS- Self Diagnosed Techno Geek Syndrome. Though as Papa said- all I actually do is surf, I couldn't tell you how to do anything.
15. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Mint Chocolate Chip!
16. Shoe size - 7 to 8
17. Red or pink? Red.
18. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? Most of my looks, esp my face. But I do like my eyes, they're quite pretty. As to my personality, definitely my temper!
19. Who do you miss the most? Pets who have died, my aunt who died of cancer, Kiyoko and Akiko (not dead, but in Japan) and, of course, Kuroda-san. (Who, by the way, was NOT in my dream last night, to my severe dissapointment. I was hoping it would be episode 2 of that dream.)
20. Do you want everyone to send this back to you? Send?
21. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? Black SKIRT, no shoes.
22. Last thing you ate? Cherry Tic-tacs. I really am addicted to Tic-tacs!!
23. What are you listening to right now? Fruits Basket's "Serenade"
24. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Some shade of green, maybe forest.
25. Favorite smell? Pastry of any sort, anything that reminds me of favorite people. (ie; Cupcakes remind me of Momiji, while Cake itself reminds me of Hunny-chan, who I share a birthday with, incidentally.)
26. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Mum, probably. I rarely use the phone.
27. The first thing you notice about people you are attracted to? Whatever part about them that first comes into view the first time I see them. However, if I wasn't instantly attracted to them, it's their personality. (See: Kiba and Momiji. No, I did NOT instantly like either. (<--Another little known fact))
28. Do you like the person who sent this to you? I don't know them. XD
29. Favorite drinks? Tea, Anything warm, really. Kiyo likes warm things!
30. Favorite sport? Basketball and Baseball, I guess. If I know how to play the game, chances are I like it more.
31. Eye color? Blue-grey
32. Hat size? I don't know! ><
33. Do you wear contacts? Nope.
34. Favorite food? Spaghetti, or maybe alfredo.
35. Last movie you watched at home (a VHS or DVD that you own)? Harry Potter 5 (I think)
36. Last movie you watched at the theater? Wall-E (again, I think)
37. What color shirt are you wearing? Black. I felt like wearing all black today, so tadah!~
38. Summer or Winter? Winter (despite my love o warmth, I still like Winter best!)
39. Hugs or kisses? Hugs.
40. Favorite dessert? Cheesecake!
41. Who is most likely to respond? Probably Jet, if she reads this.
42. Least likely to? The President XD
43. What books are you reading? "l8tr, G8tr"
44. What’s on your mousepad? No mousepad (I'm probably going to wreck my mouse someday)
45. What did you watch last night on TV? Two and a Half Men
46. Favorite sounds? The forest and the ocean
47. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Beatles
48. Furthest you’ve been from home? Maine
49. What’s your special talent? Understanding animals in general.
50. When and where were you born? Feb 28, no clue what time, 1996, St Francis Hospital. I moved one year later, so good luck finding me~
51. What is the most romantic thing someone has done for you? Someone gave me a love note, but I didn't like the kid, who was annoying. So I ripped it up. I was in Kindergarten at the time. I was so cruel! But the kid got over it, still asking me to be his girlfriend. Yes, Kindergarten, both of us.
52. What was your proudest childhood moment? Sticking up for myself and friends.
53. Stay home or go out? Stay home
54. Favorite movie? A lot of them, but probably Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Dreams

2008-10-25T07:26:00.002-04:00

Ok, my dream last night started off as normally as any other- talking with my brother, then we went and did something weird (threw rocks in this lake and when we ran out of rock it had turned into my living room). But then, suddenly, I was in the big social room in my church, at a table across from my friend Em. Suddenly, Kuroda walked in, and sat next to me. Em continued to talk, but I instantly shut up, which is kind of my campaign against his wanting to leave currently (besides, I'd probably spout gibberish anyways). Suddenly, when Em stopped to breathe, he said "I'm thinking about going to Julliard." I thought, 'No shit, sherlock.' But then he said. "I know you don't want to say it because it might ruin our friendship, but- I love you." I stopped thinking at that moment. Then the strangest, coolest, part of all started. Kuroda is a very good singer- he's very musicly talented. While I was sitting there, blushing and staring at the table, I heard from beside me, "Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why, without you it's hard to survive," Exactly the way it was sung in the song. I looked up, blushing redder than ever.
"Everytime we touch I get this feeling, everytime we kiss I swear I could fly," I slowly joined in, until the two of us were singing in harmony (yes, we were both still sitting in our original seats, and yes, Em was still there) . Note- I have not heard this song in completion for over a year, minus the time spent listening to it writing this, but that was after the dream. HOW I knew all the lyrics, I have no clue. Once the song was over, he seemed to dissappear- he was walking for the door, but I lost sight of him before he reached it, despite the fact it was only the three of us in the room. (ALSO NOTE- Kuroda and I have NEVER kissed, so how THAT song was chosen for my dream, I have no clue.)
Then it went back to normal dream- in a large, empty-warehouse style room, my Science teacher was getting us to smuggle things out, and there was a white walled in section that I thought was a maze and turned out to hold bunks for us, "for when the superindentent came" or ome nonsense like that. Ah well, at least I got a top bunk to myself, whereas most people were 4 people on a 2 person bunk. Interestingly enough, in the dream I laid down to sleep- then woke up,

Thinking time is bad

2008-10-23T18:44:00.002-04:00

I've been thinking about it and I just realized that Kuroda is going to go to Julliard and fall in love with some super smart pianist and they'll become the new hit sensation and he'll forget he ever met the untalented Miss Kiyoko Matsuoka and I'll grow old alone and- *hypervenilates and faints*

It's official.

2008-10-22T21:07:00.002-04:00

It's official. I am going out of my mind over Kuroda. In 7th period today, I referenced him to the girl who sits next to me, and instantly slammed my head down on the desk and cried "I MISS HIM!" Gladly, no one else saw this, and the girl who did said "It'll be ok."

People understand.

But that's not enough- I need to know if he loves me too. It's driving me crazy, and every time I think of him, I start to cry. I can't stand it anymore! But I guess I'll have to deal. On another note...

*Looks at hands* These hands...
How many times have they helped?
How many times have they hurt?
How many times have they healed?
How many times have they held fragile trust, only to drop it by accident?
Here's one I can answer: How many times have they picked up the broken peices of my now extremely fragile heart? Twice.

I'm one of those that falls in love and doesn't let go. People don't understand.
Seasons go and Seasons come, steady as the beating drum. Love too right?

Wrong.

Dead, wrong.

After some deep thought

2008-10-18T17:49:00.002-04:00

It's so simple to... to ignore flaws, in yourself and others. To ignore the confusing parts of life, to pretend they never happened. But... if you live that way, you only live a half-filled life. You miss some of the things that matter, some of those defining parts. If I ignored my obsession with Fruits Basket, or Oriental clothing, or oriental asian decor, would I be the same Kiyoko? I doubt it. I would be living a half-life, no better than a monster. It's a miracle... many people think it weird for me to be so serious at times, and call me freak, mock me, say they hate me. But I think of it as a miracle.

I am a loner. An outcast. A cat of the school. I was born to be mocked, taunted, despised, hated. I do my job dutifully- a silent punching bag. I take others anger and make it my pain. But I avoid letting that pain turn into recoil, and letting it hit others back. Because when that happens, they only hit harder. But as the cat found friends among those who hated him, I too have friends who occupy my heart. Sasate, Jet-san, Kisa, Hana, Nara... Kuroda.

And I get through my purpose each day, because at the end of it all, I go back to friends who love me, Nii-sans who care for me, a house where I can rest. And I should not be allowed to wish for more- surely, that's more than many people have. But I do wish for more, and that is for Kuroda to love me as I love him.

I really hope Kuroda doesn't know the link to my blog. If so, how embaressing!

The things that slip the mind...

2008-10-18T08:56:00.001-04:00

Did I honestly forget to mention that I've taken on Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin as my nii-sans (older brother)? Wow... you'd think I'd remember a thing like that! Kiyo out!~

Poor Jet-San

2008-10-17T20:06:00.000-04:00

And I thought I had trouble! Poor Jet-san. Her friend is in love, and somehow got it in her messed up head that JET loved him. Since the boy is moving, she was tearfully asking Jet not to confess her love and run away with him. She's seen it in Manga, she says. For the record, I have never liked this girl. So now Jet's pissed at her.

Edit:
Roughly 2-2 1/2 hours
Mood: Nearly in tears

I think she's over it, for the simple reason of my extreme terror that she's trying to help. And she is. But listen to this...

We (Kuroda, Jet, and I) live in Virginia. I have, since 4th grade, loved Kuroda. You'll know that if you read further down. I asked what Kuroda likes tonight, for christmas and stuff. He said he was obsessed with 2 things, Night (another nickname of his) and Julliard.
I asked, "Julliard?" He sent me the link. *pauses and takes a shuddering breath* It's in New York. I nearly fainted. I learned it was a college, and so was slightly happier. Also, the tuition is monsterous, so he's not even sure if he'll go. I asked what high school he was going to, hoping I could go to the same one.
He said, a preforming arts school.
I said, so nothing local?
He said, hopefully.
I said, hopefully local or hopefully not?
He said, well, um...
I said, hopefully not, then...
He said he didn't like some people at his current school (not the same one I go to, or I'd be TOTALLY freaking)
I said, That makes sense.
He said, =(
I said, For the record? I'd hate it. So, like, don't go too far away.
Afterthough: Unless you really want to! Cause I can't stop you, or anything...That'd be selfish...
of...me...
He laughed, and I then said: But seriously, if you DO leave, you have to write EVERY day! And chat every day too! I won't have our friendship die, ok?!
He said, kk.

I'm so terrified that he'll leave and I'll never see him again! Someone save me! *starts crying again*

...

2008-10-16T20:40:00.000-04:00

...GODDAMN FRICKING 'PERFECT' PEOPLE SHOULD GO GODDAMN FRICKIN DIE!

If you have read the previous posts, you should have figured out I went to Anime USA already, simply by seeing it was last weekend. Among the various merchandise, I bought a Momiji Bag, Momiji Pin, and Yuki plush. I put the pin on the bag, and clipped Yuki onto the bag (theres a loop coming off the rat hoodie he wears). Sometimes Yuki gets put inside the bag. Anywho, I carry it around EVERYWHERE. Including school. So I showed my friend Jessey. She loved it. So in History, I showed Hannah (not Hana, Hannah) the bag. She thought it was cute. I tried to show her Yuki:
"That's just scary."
I didn't take him out again till I got home.

Today, I was strengthend by the fact I worked up my courage and showed a girl in my 7th period him. She totally spazzed out, she thought he was so cute! So, feeling light hearted, I went to go read and rate manga for the manga commitee. Because I was in a back room, I didn't bother putting Yuki back in the bag. Instead, he sat smiling next to it. While the three of us (Jet, Sam, and I) read and rated manga, who comes in later but Hannah, with some boy I don't know. She sees my bag and stuff, points to it, points to me, and tells her companion:
"She's the obsessed one."
Oh
My
God.
I wanted to SCREAM. I wanted to yell, "I'm not a zoo animal! Do you think it's ok for you to talk like that to my face?! 'The obsessed one'- I've got a name! And maybe I carry it around cause it calms me! For your information, the ability to touch soft things- like a plushie- and fiddle with my necklace both calm me! Would you criticize me less if I carried around a polar bear? A cat? A dog? I think not! So I'll have my weird habits, you have yours! Unless, of course, that's why you think you have the RIGHT to criticize me- because you're not weird at all! I bet you think you're goddamn perfect! If you're so goddamn fricking perfect, why not leave us freaks alone? Now, if you excuse me-" insert slamming down of manga on the table here- "I have manga to rate."

But of course, instead I just said, "I haven't had time to leave him at home", even though that is in no way truth. But now, I feel totally offended.

By the way- there is a method to my madness. When I was over spilling with love and self esteem, (aka, pre middle school), both my RPG nii-sans were problem children- Gaara and Hatsuharu. (Yes, Haru counts.) Now, my latest nii-sans have an overabundance of love, and I continually make them show it. (Hikaru and Kaoru.) Doesn't this say something? I'll say from an observant, smart persons point of veiw:
When she was happy, she took on people who she felt needed love. She wanted to give them the love she felt they deserved. But there has to be a different reason for why she took on the Hitachiin twins, who are bursting with love. It seems that the equation has flipped. She no longer can give all her love away- she wants to be sure love hasn't dissapeared, that she can still take in the love she no longer gets from the once multitude of friends that has suddenly- drasticly- changed to only her few dearest. She wants to get that love from one source or another. That it's fictional, she no longer cares. It's a simple, yet desperate, silent outcry for love, the love that she feels is decreasing everyday. She was drawn to the first two by their lack of love, yet the silent yearning for it that only she felt. She was drawn to the second two because she wanted a part of that deep, deep love, a love everyone could see, so she could say at long last-
"See? People do love me, even if YOU don't!"
All she has ever wanted in this world are two things: Love, and never being forgotten. She could live the rest of her days surrounded by empty walls, if only her friends could come in, laugh with her, and let her feel the constant out pouring of love she desperately yearns for.

Um... that's it...

Another Sad Night Spent Crying in a Comfy Green Chair

2008-10-11T19:55:00.000-04:00

*eyes tear up*

*wails* I'm such a bad Kiyooooooooooooo! I haven't ever figured out if I like Kiba or Momiji better and I bring in another factor! Is it my fault I fall in love so often? I feel really bad, but what I feel for both Momiji and Hunny is so intense it really frightens me! It's not right to like Anime charecters like I do, but I really am on the verge of tears writing this.

Maybe it's because I always had unfailing love around me that I don't understand the importance of faithfulness. Maybe it's just a misprogramming in my brain. Or maybe... maybe it's protecting me from the real world. *starts crying in earnest* Twice I've kidded myself into thinking that another person might need me as much as I want them. Two other times I kidded myself into thinking myself in love with a person, because I wanted someone I could love. Once, and only once, have I ever had that net of security that is knowing I love a person and they love me back. Then we became friends, and I thought I didn't 'love' him anymore. At least, that's what I told people.

"You like Kuroda, right?"
"No, I don't!"
"Come off it, yes you do!"
"NO! No, I DON'T!!!"

Yes! Yes, I do! I haven't seen him in so long, I think of him almost every waking moment- and no one recognizes my anguish, because I don't want to burden them with my troubles. But thatis exactly what it is: anguish! Anguish at the lack of Kuroda! *sits up quickly* Not that I can tell Kuroda any of this, gods no. Not until I know if he still likes me. I don't want to ruin our friendship if he likes someone else. But still- If I don't tell someone directly soon, I'll do what Kisa Sohma did, and collaspe into a lightless, silent world.

Someone save me, please... my time is running out!

Ouran High Host Club...

2008-10-09T16:44:00.000-04:00

Here's my impressions of OHHC:
The tall blond one was cute looking at first, but he turned out to be a real prat
The orange-red haired ones simply creep me out
The one with messy black hair I don't know yet
The one with nice black hair has a bit of a superiority complex
The cute little blond one that the other blonde one catagorized as Loli-Shota reminds me of Momiji, and is therefore the only one in my good books so far.

All the people are so rich! *whines* They regard the tall blond as a hero for drinking instant coffee instead of ground coffee nuts! That's really weeeeeeeeird! But I promised Jet-san I'd watch it... More later, I suppose!

Edit: The two orange haired ones (Koaru and Hikaru- I can do this, I can I can!!!) made me think they were gay a minute ago. 'Brotherly Love' my butt! This was SO beyond that! (No, they did kiss, I'm glad to say.) I'm Scared! TT^TT

Edit: (These come every 2 min or so, btw) I will watch this... FOR HUNNY SEMPAI! He's so loli loli!!!! Kawaii!!! I, at least, love your bunny, Hunny-Sempai!!!

1-0-1 questions!

2008-09-25T15:13:00.000-04:00

took this from Candied_Rabbit, who did it for -SQUEE- Momiji!!! Read the blog it's awesome.
1. What is your full name? Do you have a nickname?
Kiyoko Matsuoka. Most people call me Kiyo~

2. How old are you? When is your birthday?
I'm 12, but soon I'll be 13. Feb 28- I was nearly a leap year baby!

3. Where were you born? Where do you live now? Are you patriotic?
I was born in Wichita, Kansas- you don't get to know where I live now! (Though you could probably get Jet to tell you for a cookie. -.-) Eh, I like Japan more than here. *laughs* I feel like America's royally screwed. I've never been to Japan, by the way, but I REALLY want to.

4. Who are/were your parents? (Names, occupations, personalities, etc.)
Mum and Da. *secretive* Mum's an associate pastor, Da's a high school Algebra teacher.

5. Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like?
I have a brother. His name is Jacob, but I call him Ryuu. Ever see the kid kicking himself in the head for a minute, possibly earning the world record? It's on youtube. I'll wait.

That's him.

6. What is your occupation?
Student! But I want a job, I need money for Anime Conventions and whatnot.

7. How tall are you? How much do you weigh?
I'm 5'4", tall for my age comparitively. I weigh somewhere around 118.

8. What color is your hair? What color are your eyes?
I've got this honey-brown type color hair. I'll have to get it cut soon, I wonder if I can get it cut to look like Rin's... My eyes are blue-grey, but some people say they're blue-green. Either way, they look really serious most the time. Even when I'm kidding around.

9. What is your race?
My main line is German, but I've got a LOT of background.

10. To which social class do you belong?
Middle class, I guess. We're not poor, but not rich either.

11. Do you consider yourself to be attractive? Do others?
I don't consider myself attractive, but a lot of people comment on my eyes, how beautiful they are and such. So I guess other people do.

12. What is your style of dress?
I like to wear black, and things that keep me warm. My new fav peice of clothing is my brown hoodie-sweater.

13. Do you have any scars? Tattoos? Birthmarks? Other unique physical features?
Not really, except for this random pockmark right on the bridge of my nose from when I had the chickenpox.

14. Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses?
I'm a diabetic, I have hypothyroidism, and I'm a technogeek. The last one DOES count, cause it means I'm really un-athletic.

15. Are you right- or left-handed?
Right-handed, like my boys. *grins at Kiba and Momiji*

16. What does your voice sound like?
It's kinda low- I can't sing very high without practicing a couple times first. Whatever language attempt, I have an accent.

17. What kind of vocabulary do you use?
I use a higher vocabulary than other people my age. I wrote an Artemis Fowl fanfic, and someone said "You really talk like Artemis Fowl! Nice Job!" I thought, "I do?"

18. List three quirks or other defining characteristics.
1. I tend to be quiet in public, but with friends I'm much more energetic.
2. I'm VERY fangirlish. I have a couple Anime crushes, but no real life ones.
3. I RPG half my life. Sometimes in my head, sometimes with friends.

19. How often do you bathe? Do you wear perfumes?
I bathe every day, wash my hair every two days. It keeps my hair from drying out. I don't wear perfumes.

20. What kind of facial expression do you commonly wear (dour glare, wry smile, etc)?
Small smile, small frown, depending on my mood.

21. Do you use body language? How?
I look really shy. *laughs* When I'm angry, you can tell it when you look at me, unless I've slid my "blank Kiyo" face on.

22. Do you have a commonly used saying?
Not really.

23. What is your earliest memory?
Um, probably when I got a new bed. I was 4. I've gotten a new one since then.

24. How much schooling have you had? Did you enjoy it?
I'm a 7th grader in middle school. I generally like school. But I don't really like classes. *laughs* Weird, I know.

25. Where did you learn most of your knowledge and skill?
Ryuu, my friends, and school.

26. How would you describe your childhood in general?
Pretty cool, except the diabetes thing.

27. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Vet, various other animal type things.

28. When and with whom was your first kiss?
I haven't, not yet.

29. Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity?
*Insane blush but proud demeanor* I'm still a virgin, and plan to be for a long time! Until I meet my soulmate!

30. Do you have a notorious or celebrated ancestor? Does that affect you?
One of them was on the Mayflower...

31. What do you consider the most important event of your life so far?
Meeting Sasa, meeting Kuroda-kun.

32. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Being a good friend. Yuppers.

33. What is your greatest regret?
I have no regrets- life and love, I have both in great fortune.

34. What is the most embarrassing or shameful thing ever to happen to you?
I don't know...

35. Do you have any secrets? If so, what are they?
Secrets are secret. Duh. But obviously, I do. I mean, everyone does, right? Here's one I really don't care about- I don't pay attention in Gym, because there's this really cute guy named Stephen who sits near me. He has the coolest eyes. But he doesn't measure up to- *blushes profusely* MOMIJI! I was going to say Momiji, yeah... *winks* There's secret #2, who I really was going to say.

36. What is the most evil thing you have ever done?
I have thought of ways to kill annoying people, I readily admit it.

37. When was the time you were the most frightened?
The first day of middle school. I had no friends around me (Jet isn't in any of my classes) and I barely knew where I was going.

38. Have you ever traveled outside of your country? If so, to where?
Nope. But I really want to go to Japan!~ Japan is THE best country- all the good animes come from there!

39. What is your alignment?
...alignment?

40. Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic?
Generally optimistic with pessimistic undertones.

41. Do you believe in a god? If so, which one and why?
Um... I do. Christian, cause I was raised that way. But, um, don't tell mum? I swear more often by the Goddess of the Tortall series, because the people in that series are more like me than any human I've ever met.

42. Do you believe in an afterlife?
I think so. I hope so. My heaven is not clouds, by the way. It's a forest filled with animals that I can speak to. I enjoy speaking to animals, sometimes I think they understand.

43. What is your greatest fear?
People forgetting about me. "Nothingness" terrifies me, just like Ayame. Creepy thought- I share something with Ayame!

44. What makes you angry? Sad? Happy? Why?
Angry- my friends being hurt.
Sad- life. (no, really. But I'm not emo, I just happen to be in a ditch lately.)
Happy- Watching FB, read FB, reading Manga, etc. If it has to do with Anime or Japan, I'm on it!

45. Do you think people are basically good or basically evil?
Good! Even people who act bad have good sides. <-- takin' one from Miji-san here.

46. What are your views on politics? Religion? Sex?
I don't think about any of those. The first? I'm a kid. The second? Let people do what they want, I'm no dictator. The third? I'm not a pervert!

47. What are your views on gambling, lying, theft, and killing?
Gambling? Be careful with it. But I like Poker too. Lying? Nessecery, at times. I'm a repetitive liar. Theft? Are you Robin Hood? Those types of thing matter. Rich people don't need to steal- hobos and poor people sometimes have to not to starve. Killing? Ok, no defense on that one. Killing is wrong. No dead bodies, plz.

48. How far will you go to defend your beliefs?
Which ones?

49. How much do you value money?
...I like money. I'd like to have enough money to buy all my friends big gifts at christmas. And a lot of merchandise. Yeah.

50. In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do?
There's no ranking system, in my opinion. (yeah, a lot of my answers sound like Miji-sans. Sue me.)

51. Do you believe in self-sacrifice for the greater good?
Yeah, if I don't die from it. Maybe I WOULD die for it, if it was good enough.

52. Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love?
YES!

53. Are you superstitious?
Yeah, I am. See: Princess Anne.

54. How much do you respect the beliefs and opinions of others?
A lot, usually. If it's something like "to be beautiful, you have to kill young women" then nooooo. That doesn't count. See: Countess Bathory, "Maiden of the Wolf".

55. How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings?
...closed.

56. Do you have any biases or prejudices?
Hehe... kinda.

57. Who is the most important person in your life, and why?
...Kuroda-kun. He doesn't even know it, but if he was gone... oh man, I'm gonna cry if I continue that. *grins*

58. Who is the person you respect the most? Despise the most? Why?
I respect Sempai and I respect Ryuu. They are the wisest people I know, and I admire them greatly. I despise... almost second person I meet. They either appear empty-headed, or arrogant, etc.

59. Do you have a significant other? Who?
Do Anime charecters count?

60. Do you have a lot of friends? Who is your best friend?
I have around 7 friends who are close to me. My best friend... probably Jet-san!

61. How do you relate to members of the same race? Class? Sex?
I hardly talk, regardless of any of those.

62. How do you relate to members of a different race? Class? Sex?
Race and class doesn't really matter to me, just like I said above. But if a boy I think is cute talks to me about anything more personal than a question about claas/home work, I'll admit it- I'll run.

63. Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened.
*face sets*
The first time, we parted mutually. I was leaving for a different school- we haven't talked since. I've seen him since, though, and he doesn't even recognize me. It's better that way.
The second time, I had a GIANT crush on the boy. I don't know where he went, but he moved halfway through the year. I nearly had a prejudice on Katrina cause she replaced him. I was heartbroken. I'd still like to know where he is.
The third, we became friends, never boyfriend-girlfriend (even though we both had a crush on each other- go figure). Yes, that was Kuroda.
The fourth treated me like a jerk when I told him. He has apoligized, and I said I wasn't mad anymore- a beautifully done lie, but a lie all the same. I still want revenge for all those sleepless nights.

64. What do you look for in a potential lover?
You mean boyfriend/significant other, right? I had a dream, long ago. He had dark hair, and tanned skin. I'm still waiting for him. In that dream... that was the most love I've EVER felt.

65. How close are you to your family?
VERY close. Ryuu and me almost never fight, and all of us cousins and such get along pretty well, when we DO see each other.

66. Do you want a marriage, family, and/or children?
Marriage and Family? Possibly. But I definitely want a child. If I never marry, I'll adopt.

67. Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict?
What's the issue? There are some I readily concede, others I'll go into a full on rage to get my way. *laughs* I can be very stubborn.

68. Are you a listener or a talker?
Definitely a listener!

69. How long does it usually take for you to trust others?
It takes me a while to warm up to people- Sasa can tell you that. I was VERY cautious, when I first met her, but if you have persistance, you can get to the real me. If your persistance isn't annoying, that is.

70. Do you hold grudges?
Yup.

71. Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations?
No way!

72. Do you like interacting with large groups of people?
It depends who's in the group.

73. How well do you express yourself?
Not very well, I'm afraid!

74. How quickly do you judge others?
Pretty quickly, but my opinion changes over time.

75. Do you care what others think of you?
Who are these "others"? Are they people I want as friends?

76. Do you have any enemies? How or why are they your enemy?
No "enemies", persay- but if I continue to be so sarcastic, I may gain some!

77. What is your favorite pasttime? Color? Food? Possession?
Internet; green; Spaghetti; Senri-bear!

78. What are your preferences in arts and/or entertainment?
Oldies for music, or gothish music. I like manga and anime, and love Monty Python's Spamalot. Um, I draw some, too. I guess.

79. Do you smoke, drink, go whoring, or use drugs? Why or why not?
No, no, HELL no, and no. Unless insulin for my diabetes counts. Why not? Because those things are BAD!

80. How do you spend a typical Saturday night?
Internet. TOTAL technogeek.

81. What is your most cherished fantasy?
Um, I don't know... but I wouldn't share it with just anyone! ><

82. How long is your attention span?
It's pretty short! *laughs*

83. Do you laugh a lot? What do you find funny?
I laugh a lot. I love Jet's antics- they're what make me laugh the most. So does Momiji, and when anything out of the ordinary happens that's crazy.

84. Is there anything that shocks or offends you? If so, what?
I can't understand it when people are mean just because they can. It always kind of scares me.
^ another one from Miji-san. ^

85. How do you deal with stress?
I nearly faint, on occasion. It gives me a headache, so I go lie down.

86. How much athletic ability do you have? Artistic?
I have agility, but no actual athletic ability. I can draw pretty well, though.

87. Do you like animals? Do you like children?
I LOVE animals. I like them more than people. I preFER them over people. I also like little kids.

88. Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan?
Pretty spontaneous.

89. What are your pet peeves?
Girly girls, for one. "Omg! Did you hear what happened to ?!?!" Omg! Did I tell you? I freaking don't care.

90. What is your greatest strength as a person? Weakness?
I have a deep maternal instinct. This will be both my greatest strength AND probably my downfall.

91. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I'd make myself less anti-social. No, that defines me, nevermind. I'd learn how to say what people want to hear, so that I stop causing random pauses in the conversation after I speak.

92. Are you generally introverted or extroverted?
Introverted.

93. Do you like yourself?
Contrary to popular belief, yes.

94. Do you have a daily routine? How do you feel if your day is interrupted?
I don't really have a routine.

95. What goal do you most want to accomplish in the next six months? Your lifetime?
Not die by the end of the school year. In my life, I want to raise a daughter.

96. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 20 years?
In 5 years, I'll be in high school... right? 10, probably in a vet practice somewhere. 20, smiling at my daughter/son.

97. If you could choose, how would you want to die?
In my sleep.

98. What is the one thing you would like to be remembered for after your death?
A motherly girl who loved and was loved. Can ya'll remember that? *grins*

99. What three words would you use to best describe your personality?
Shy, sweet, and thoughtful.

100. What three words would others probably use to describe you?
Who're you asking? It really REALLY varies.

101. Why are you risking your life to adventure?
...have I ever?

Kiyo-ology (Kiyology?)

2008-09-23T18:33:00.000-04:00

Stolen from Ashiato!~ Who stole it from fullmoonangel417890 who stole it from SuperGirlKatty,who stole it from Kyawi!! It's encouraged that you all steal this & put it onYOUR blog's as well!!
*******************************************************************************
Let others know a little more about yourself, repost "(your name)OLOGY"
Q: What is your salad dressing of choice?
A: Ceaser, or Blue Cheese

Q: What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
A: Burger King!

Q: What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
A: CHINA STAR FTW

Q: On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
A: ...percent?

Q: What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of it?
A: Lo Mein, I'm a total Chinese Food addict.

Q: What are your pizza toppings of choice?
A: Chicken and BBQ sauce.

Q: What do you like to put on your toast?
A.: Grape Jelly or Peaaaaaanut Butter~

TECHNOLOGY
Q: What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A: Husky!~

Q: How many televisions are in your house?
A: ...2?

BIOLOGY
Q: Are you right-handed or left-handed?
A: Right-Handed

Q: Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A: ...no?

Q: What is the last heavy item you lifted?
A: I don't remember, but it was BIG.

Q: Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A: Don't...I... wish.

BULLOLOGY
Q: If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A: Nah.

Q: If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
A: Kiyoko! Yes, Kiyoko isn't my real name, but don't I wish!~ (I say that alot...)

Q: What color do you think looks best on you?
A: Hehe, brown. Or black. But other people say green and blue.

Q: Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
A: All the time, actually. I'm a real spaz!

Q: Have you ever saved someones life?
A: Not yet!

Q: Has someone ever saved yours?
A: ...Not yet!

DAREOLOGY
Q: Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A: Who is this person? Cause if it's some random weirdo, no! If it's a friend who ALSO gets a $100, then heck yeah!

Q: Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
A: ...Is there numbing stuff and painkillers involved?

Q: Would you never blog again for $50,000?
A: I like my blog! So... I don't know!

Q: Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
A: HECK. NO.

Q: Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1,000?
A: Um, no.

Q: Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human's life for $1,000,000?
A: Murder is baaaaaaaaaaad.

...who would I get to kill?

DUMBOLOGY
Q: What is in your left pocket?
A: Nothing.

Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
A: Didn't see it.

Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
A: Yes.

Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
A: Both, depending on how tired I am.

Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
A: Zero! I hate them!

Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A: None, though I would LOVE to be on the scene at a cops filming. I would also like to be at a Cheaters filming and a What Not to Wear filming, for the record.

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A:I have a lot of ideas.

Q: Who is number 1 on your top 8?
A: Myspace is evil, as is Facebook.

LASTOLOGY
Q: Friend you talked to?
A: Jet-san.

Q: Last person who called you?
A: No one calls me, we IM.

Q: Person you hugged?
A: Probably Jet-san.

FAVORITOLOGY
Q: Number?
A: 42

Q: Season?
A: Fall

CURRENTOLOGY
Q: Missing someone?
A: ...totally... *eyes mist over*

Q: Listening to?
A: Scrubs!

Q: Watching?
A: Scrubs!

Q: Worrying about?
A: A lot.

RANDOMOLOGY
Q: First place you went this morning?
A: Dining room

Q: What can you not wait to do?
A: See the one I miss... *eyes mist over AGAIN*

Q: Do you smile often?
A: I think so!

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: I try to be, but I'm so shy!

Yay I get STUFF! :D

2008-09-21T10:48:00.000-04:00

Ok, so every once in a while, this girl in my church will give me clothes she's outgrown. Today was one of those days. She's very stylish, so I enjoy these presents. I'll update later when I get a chance to open it, right now I have to go to church. Tee Hee, I love STUFF!

Call it what you want...

2008-09-20T16:35:00.000-04:00

...why do I feel like I've done something horribly wrong? It's this constant pressure, the same feeling I have everytime I know I need to apoligize. It's also in the fact that Hana hasn't talked to me in a few days, Sasa hasn't for a while (though she did talk to me today) and Sempai hasn't talked to me since last night, even though I saw him on today. I've got a bad feeling, like I've disgraced myself somehow and need to dig myself out of this hole.

... *insert terrified shriek here* Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? Why THIS soundtrack?! *Throws off headphones* That demoralized me practicly into the negatives! "One of Us" from the Lion King 2: Ever heard it? You know how sometimes things sound different when your nervous, frightened, subconciously feeling something, etc? Well, suddenly all of the voices singing "One of Us" turned into my friends (see above, plus Jet and Kisa). Dissaproving, angry, hating- I deserve it, certainly, but I don't think they would do that.

Have I ever told anyone what my greatest fear is? Yes, say it with me: People ignoring and hating me. How often, before I met those 5 (Sempai, Sasa, Kisa, Hana, and Jet, for those with counting issues) did I feel mute, reaching out to someone who wasn't there? And how often, in these past few weeks, have I waited by my laptop with bated breath, waiting for one of them to come back so I could be heard again? Soon, I might go almost silent, only able to talk to them.

Kiyo shouldn't afflict her presence on people.
Kiyo should stick to her animals.
Kiyo does not deserve people.
So why does she insist on trying?

Sickly Little Kiyo~

2008-09-18T20:53:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I've had a cold, and I blamed that for my tiredness and stuff. But ooooooooooh, no! I can't be normal and have a cold. Well, I DO have a cold, but that's not all! I also have Hypothyroidism. (Bolded and italicized for it's spiffy medical-ness). Now I have to take a pill every morning. Yay for me. Also, I have to do more bloodwork next month to make sure if it's the right dose. We can only assume that if it's not, I have to get my bloodwork done aGAIN a month from then to see if THAT amount is working. I didn't like it the first time; I'll demand out of school for a week if I have to do it again. Though I have to admit, the people in the Lab were amusing- one went off about the bogeyman, and then the other said "Don't worry about it, I'm gonna do your bloodwork, not her- she crazy."

You had to be there.

The point is, this makes me feel very sickly, even though I'm really not. Yes, I'm blatantly ignoring the fact that I've been out sick for about 1/3 of the school year so far.

So Hana, if I don't finish your present on time, I have an alibi for this one. This one.

Dang Batcave!

2008-09-14T15:15:00.000-04:00

Do you know what today is?
Correct: Sunday.
Do you know where I am?
Church, 30-45 mins away from home.
Do you know why I am apalled?
I cannot use my laptop here. That means no internet access in the Batcave, aka the Youth Room, where I often hang out because it is very cave like. (no, seriously- one of the walls is made of really hard dirt and big rocks! :D) Also, even though when DA'S here, he manages to find internet on his 'older-than-mine' laptop, as soon as I turn MINE on, -bang- no wireless. So I'm stuck without chat, without internet gaming, and with only spore and a few already downloaded games while Mum uses the computer. (Mum isn't here right now, so I get to use -oh sarcastic yay- her desktop. I hate desktops. Why should I have to sit stiffly at a desk when I could be in a comfy bowl chair. Yeah, there are moon chairs here. Do you see why I resent this accursed desktop/plug-in internet combo yet? It's because it's another days worth of sitting at a desk. Just like school. Except here I can play Castle Defense whenever I want, should I ever want to. Something my English teacher doesn't like us doing.

Rant over, Kiyo out.

Wow it's been a while...

2008-09-12T16:45:00.001-04:00

With school *cough* and lazyness *cough* and all, I haven't updated recently. Whoops. I have two new favorite songs: "Never had a dream come true" and "Wouldn't it be good". When I hear the chorus of "Wouldn't it be good" I can't help of thinking of the enternal Kyo-Yuki fight.

Wouldn't it be good to be in your shoes?
Even if it was for just one day!
Wouldn't it be good if we could wish ourselves away...

Wouldn't it be good to be on your side?
The grass is always greener over there!
Wouldn't it be good if we could live without a care...

Mm-hm! Doesn't that sound like them? Also, I remember a song. It was about (or at least, had in it) a tiger in a cage, and an angel with a silver sword. *laughs* The way I say it, it sounds like a folk song! But it isn't, I swear! Um, I think it's by Jimmy Buffet... if anyone knows said song, PLEASE tell me, I love that song! But I can't remember much of it, so I'll look like a lunatic if I try to ask Da with only those two pieces of info. I had more... but I forgot it. I'll remember later, though~

Oh yeah! I now read Tokyo Mew Mew (which I keep trying to spell "Tyoko". No clue on that one.) But I had more than that, I think. Oh well!

Edit: The song is 'Pacing the Cage', by Jimmy Buffet. Incidentally, there are no tigers. Simply cages.

Lil' Mud, I choose you!

2008-09-01T09:42:00.002-04:00

I can't play Pokemon like normal people, oh no. Most people find it a fun game and just play it when they feel like it. But when they turn the game off, they don't think about their pokemon. I care about my little babies. When I lost my Sapphire version, I ran around for three days going "LIL MUD! OH MY GOD, WHERE ARE YOU?! MY BABYYYYYYY!" And I looked EVERYWHERE for it. Well, I recently found a long abandoned backpack down in my basement, one I thought we had thrown out long ago. Lo and behold, my sapphire version. I swear you could've heard my voice in at least a mile radius: LIL MUD! YOU'RE HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME!

As well as Lil Mud, my beloved Level 70 Swampert, I also have:
Zelle, Level 70 Espeon
Aiolos, Level 71 Latios
Icewing, Level 72 Articuno
Gaia, Level 70 Celebi
Water Fall, Level 57 Kyogre
Myst, Level 77 Suicune

You may wonder, "Holy crud- did she actually sit that long playing this game?!" Haha, NO. I went to the Pokemon convention that came near us, you know, the one for the 10th anniversary? Yeah, that one. So That's where I got Zelle, Aoilos, Icewing, Gaia, and Myst. When I got them, they were all level 70. I've been training them. Except Gaia. He can kinda freak me out. Zelle just is being annoying by leveling for me. But, of course, Lil Mud WAS my first pokemon on that game... every level was won with blood, sweat and tears. Now, even if he's not my best pokemon, he's still my most beloved. I love you, my little darling~

I'm also the one who wails when my pokemon faints, despite the many revives I carry all the time. Kiyo out~

Oh mother...

2008-08-29T16:04:00.000-04:00

Oh mother dearest... *shakes head sadly*
You always say "You're such a good kid" when you say sorry for being mad at me. But if you knew the secrets I kept, you would never call me that again.

But yet... I know I can keep this secret, certain mesures taken. This, Sempai and other online only friends, is the reason I can't give you my phone number. If Mama saw that someone from Washington called me, she would freak. Then I would never hear from you again, because she would make me ban you. Then she would see everyone elses name she didn't recognize and ban those. Hell, she might ban ME from the internet. And as we all know, that would suck.

In other news, what is it now, 322 days left? 321? Yeah, 321. Also, I have decided I would be completely pissed if they didn't put 19 years later in HP7 P2.

A simple sentence

2008-08-28T12:35:00.000-04:00

A simple sentence can change your outlook on someone. That's how I felt when I read an email from Sempai- that one sentence could make me feel so special, I hadn't known before. So I felt like I should do something like he did, say a simple something to everyone.

Kuroda, like I said, don't lose that wild sense of humor or imagination. I can't wait to see you again, my friend.
Sasate, you have a certain light to you. You're a fighter- stubborn like Rin. Never give up hope.
Sempai, don't thank me for looking up to you. Let me thank you for being someone I can look up to. You make me actually feel my age, in a good way. (aka I normally act older than I am and Sempai makes me feel like a child)
Kisa, you listen when I do decide to get something off my mind, and for that I thank you heartily. I will always be ready to listen. Also, I'm sorry for my suckish timing when I get off sometimes.
Jet- stay Jet. There's not much else to say to you.
Nara, I want to get to know you better. I feel I sortof brushed you off, and I'm sincerly sorry.
Hana, you're always so happy! I hope that when I'm 16, I'm a lot like you.

And to all my friends I haven't specified, thank you for being there for me.
Gods all bless, to all of you.

I never had a dream come true...

2008-08-28T10:06:00.000-04:00

*Soft smile* Well... originally, this post was going to be fangirl'd on how I love Haku from Spirited Away. Yes, I finally got to blockbuster, and only found that. Oh well, I loved it sooooo much. But now I'm listening to "Never Had a Dream Come True" and am close to tears (of happiness, of happiness!) because it's so close to how I feel about two people in this giant world. Just two, and I'm sorry to those other people who impacted my life in big ways, but two people have impacted my life in such giant ways. Those two... are my best friends. Those two, when they found me, I was on the breaking point, both times. If I hadn't found them... I don't even want to finish that sentence. I would have withdrawn into myself, I guess. I would've completely died inside. I love you both, and if you dissapeared from my life now well I simply wouldn't be able to bear it. That's why, Kuroda and Sasate, I smile. You two are the reason I beleive in life anymore. It's why I can continue to write with my all, and my stories can continue to be light, and good. Bless you, you guys.

Kuroda, laugh every day, and keep your wild sense of imagination always. You're my Haku.
Sasate, please keep trying, even if it's just for me. I'm so selfish... but I want to see you. I'll come see you sometime, come save you if need be. I wish I could now, but I'm too young right now.

Like I said, I love you both, and you two are my dream come true. Goddess bless!

Well Plur.

2008-08-26T08:49:00.000-04:00

I'm so pessimistic. I feel so inadequate, like I don't deserve, well, anyone. Heh. But for some reason, I'm not sad anymore, like I was last night. It's just turned into fact: Kiyo-chan does not deserve people. Kiyo-chan should simply stick to her animals. Kiyo-chan shouldn't afflict her presence on people. But Kiyo-chan, selfishly, does so anyways.

In other news, 324 MORE DAYS UNTIL HP 6 COMES OUT IN THEATERS!!! Yaaaaay, Number 6 has Ginny-san in it!

(Ginny Weasly, incidentally, happens to be my favorite charecter. Could you tell?)
...Wait. Who's going to play the charecters in the "Nineteen Years Later" epilouge? Will we see Teddy or Victoire? What color will Teddy's hair be, should we see him? Will they put the epilouge at all? How pissed will I be if they don't? The world needs to know!

Somebody cries, all the time...

2008-08-24T14:38:00.000-04:00

And right now, the one crying is me. It's my fault, too. Kind of. You see, I wanted to read some things about Child Abuse, some stories I mean.

I can't imagine the pain, the days lived in fear... before I heard the song Concrete Angel, it hadn't even sunk in that there was something other than a happy family, the happy family that was Me, Ryuu, Mum and Da. I have never been struck by Mum or Da, and with Ryuu it was understandable (we were having a light saber fight, one that I won, by the way). Ryuu has insulted me (DUH), but he's an older brother, it's life.

But I have NEVER seen parents insulting their child, or striking their child. I guess I'm lucky. If only there was something I could do... I want to scream for them, cry for them. I've heard, from stories and poems on the topic, that the children being abused don't scream or cry, or else their abuser hurts them worse. It frightened me, badly too. The thought of some child crying somewhere late at night because their parent (or other person who abused them) hurt them. *shudders and gives a small sob* I wish I could help them all... if only there was something I could do! Oh... *collapses into silence*

Today just might be the best.

2008-08-22T16:23:00.000-04:00

Today is awesome.

1) I WILL go to Blockbuster.
Random person: But-
NO. I WILL GO. Nothing in Hell is going to make me miss this chance, dangit!

2) I'm going to Guitar Center to get Kuroda's present. Ah ah ah! No hints, Kuroda!

3) I went to the library, which is in my top 5 places to go to (some of the others are The China Star, Borders, and The Cheesecake Factory).

4) I finished my algebra packet, which is 3 pages/52 questions long.

5) That little dog at Joy Unlimited wouldn't let some guy or his mom pet him, but for me, he sat, then lay down, then lay down on his side, then rolled over for me, which his owner said was remarkable.

6) My cat doesn't hate me today.

7) Today's episode of "What I like about you" has BEN OH MY GOD BEEEEEEEEEEN! Ben is hot, and british, so he has a british accent, making him doubly hot. Yes.

...

I LOVE YOU BEN! *squee*

Dancing queen...

2008-08-22T10:01:00.000-04:00

Dancing... *brittle laugh* I've taken it up as a side hobby, if you could call it that. I don't take formal lessons- never will. It's more of an expression on how I feel. Like, when I'm happy, I go at a medium pace, swirling, dipping, jumping, and sliding. When I'm sad, there's no jumping, just slow sliding and circles drawn with my feet. And then, there was last night. I got off my chat calm as can be- and I exploded. Swirl, jab, slide, drop, jump up, spin while jumping, hit the edge of an armchair, push off said armchair, etc etc. I was so mad! Because I can't
do a
freaking
thing.

I want to help so badly- but I can't! I'm not mad at people, not the world, not my surroundings, just me! When I ended this eruption of fury, I stood in the middle of my living room, breathing heavily with my hair falling in my face. I'm sure that if you looked in my eyes, they would be no nonsense, the light taken out of them by rage. I wanted to claw at myself, punish myself for not being good enough. Instead, I sat down and cried, wanting to be so much more- and being so much less...

Erm, no comment?

2008-08-19T09:25:00.001-04:00

Ok, I printed out my summer homework, an Algebra packet. Yeah, maybe I WAS suppossed to be working on it all summer instead of in the last two weeks, but whatever. The point is I have 3 pages of algebra to do. A normal child: This sucks!
Me: Yay!

My dad is an algebra teacher, so he's going to give me some tips to help make it easier (no, he will NOT give me the answers). Also, I am one of those little nerd-lings who manages to have non-nerd friends and love math at the same time. Basicly, I don't go around proclaiming how cool math is, I just think "Hey, cool, logic."
Logic puzzles are my hobby, by the way. Give me a logic puzzle and I will finish it if it kills me. Esp. those types that are like: There are four people, find their last name, color of hat, store they shopped at, and how much they spent.
Me: Alright!
Other people: ...*brain explodes*

So, people say: We have an algebra packet! That sucks, doesn't it?
And I just go: ...

2008-08-14T20:15:00.000-04:00

I may go to blockbuster, or get netflix, cause I have SO many movies I want to see! Here is the short list:

Spirited Away
The Thief Lord
Fruits Basket (any season, I love them all :3)
Chicago (Gotta love musicals.)

Those are top on my list. I'm sure there's more, but those are off the top of my head.

*yells at the top of my lungs*
"They had it coming! They had it coming!
They had it coming all along!
I didn't do it! (She didn't do it!)
But if I'd done it! (But if she'd done it!)
How could you tell me that I was wrong?!"

I want to watch that so badly... it's part murder mystery! Heck yeah!

MurderMurderMurder Murder Scandal!

Nerds and Geeks

2008-08-13T13:33:00.000-04:00

I enjoy geeks. I really do. I love watching them geek out about things they saw in comic books. Best of all, I love video game geeks, such as Ryuu and myself. Ever read the comic Ctrl-Alt-Del, written by Tim Buckley? It's freaking hilarious, even if it does use a lot of cusswords. Oh well, such is the story of my life. I will now describe each (main) Charecter in my own words:
Ethan: Insane. He works at a video game store, surprise surprise.
Lucas: The smart one of the two guys, he works as tech support (or he was as far as I remember. Wait, didn't he quit that job? I forget.).
Lilah: The Girl gamer who KICKS BUTT. She's engaged to Ethan. How does she put up with him? Who knows.
Scott: Scott rarely comes out of his room. He uses Linux, which annoys Ethan (Ethan doesn't exactly like Scott). Has the only pet in the group, Ted the Penguin.
Ted the Penguin: Since he's a penguin, he never speaks (well duh). He is... disturbing. Ethan also doesn't like Ted. He gets his way, every time. Because he pwns.
Zeke: Ezekiel. A robot Ethan made out of an XBox. Yeah.

Um, that's it, to my standards. But it's a GREAT comic. Oh yes, there's also Chef Brian, who is 100% insane, compared to Ethan's 99%.

Righty-o, that's all.

Reality is sometimes Stranger than Fiction...

2008-08-09T14:30:00.000-04:00

Mood: Trying hard not to cry
Listening to: Concrete Angel
Reading: Nothing at the moment (shocking!)
Watching: MMoFJ
Playing: Maplestory
Eating: nothing
Drinking: nothing

Life is... surreal. I feel like I'm reading a book or watching a movie. I touch with out feeling, look without seeing, listen without hearing. Everyone has had moments like that, but it's happening more and more to me lately. I feel as though I've been brought in in the middle of a drama I cannot heal, cannot help, cannot stop, which terrifies me. Not the actual circumstances themself, but the feeling that I can't help one of my dearest friends. I want to jump on a plane right now, fly to her town, run up her street, burst through the door and say "I'm here, I'm here, don't run away, I'm here, and I care about you and I love you." I want to hold her in my arms and sing her a lullaby, rock her back and forth and reassure her she's alright. Not that I can say any of this to her.
1. She lives too far away to tell by mouth (obviously, as I said with the plane part)
2. She refuses to read our emails.
3. She would just glare at me and tell me she's not a child.

But Sasate, dear heart, you are a child, a child we ALL love. I know you think we don't care. You need a break, and I can understand that. But know this (if you still read my blog)- I care about you greatly. I love you. You are my best friend. And I miss the you I met 5 months ago.

5 months... it feels like so much longer! If I hadn't met you, I'm 100% sure I would've pulled a Kisa and fell so far into myself I couldn't talk, couldn't react to anything. As it is, I'm "On the edge of breaking down, with no one there" to save me.

I- I miss you so much! I'm about to cry, I can feel it, and probably will very very soon. The only thing I want in the world is for you to come back.You don't have to be perfect! You don't have to "deserve" us, whatever the hell THAT would entitle. All you have to do is be you! So please, come back as soon as you're ready, and I'll pray that that's soon, is that fair?

I love you Sasa-chan. I love you and pray you will feel better soon.

2008-08-07T09:09:00.000-04:00

Mood: Thoughtful...
Listening to: I can't beleive my heart by Susan Egan
Reading: Fruits Basket book 14
Watching: ...not sure. I think it's Step by Step.
Playing: Aveyond, both 1 and 2.
Eating: nothing
Drinking: nothing

I always knew there was a song that "I won't say I'm in love" was based on, or so I heard. But until last night, I hadn't heard it. It's very... ballad-y. But I heard it once, and now... There's a little knot in my chest. Why? Because it's close to what I feel. Here are the lyrics I particularly like:

If life is worth the dissapointment
I haven't seen one reason yet
Until I met
The boy who smiles for free...
Upon this earth,
There's no one like him
He sees the girl I long to be
Making even me believe in me...

Well... That's how I feel about Night-Kuroda-whatever he wants me to call him.
NOT THE ROMANTIC PART OF IT! Just... how he's basicly the only boy I trust anymore (Besides my brother, of course). And lately, I've been sad, but whenever I talk to him, I see his smiling face in my head and can't help but cheer up. So Kuroda, here's to you. You're my OTF. (Ask not a question you won't get an answer to, children ;) )

I miss you in the morning
I miss you in the eve
I miss you when I'm wakeful
I miss you as I sleep.
I miss you when I'm lonely
When I'm surrounded by my friends
I miss you when I'm sad
But mostly, when I'm happy.

Kudos for being you!

2008-08-05T11:56:00.000-04:00

Mood: Wanna get up and dance!
Listening to: 7 things by Miley Cyrus
Reading: Japanese Phrases for Dummies
Watching: George of the Jungle (The TV show, not the Movie.)
Playing: Aveyond, both 1 and 2.
Eating: nothing
Drinking: nothing

My friend had this great idea, to help my figure out how I want to decorate my room.
Three favorite music styles: Oldies, Celtic flute, Oriental music
Three words to describe you: Thoughtful, calm, shy
Three favorite colors: green, brown, blue (all MELLOW versions of those colors.)
Three intrests: Nature, animals, cooking
Three of your favorite subjects: Math, Art, and Woodshop :3
Three favorite hangouts: The Pool, The kitchen, and the outdoors.

Yes. I sound like a hippie! *laughs* But yeah, I feel SO at home in the outdoors.

2008-08-05T10:06:00.001-04:00

Where was I? Oh yes, Katrina. As I said, she completely took on the look of the popular-cool kids, and was immediantly accepted in. I could've gone too, I suppose. I was certainly friends with at least half of them. I somehow found myself at the parties only the cool people were invited to. But as for being a member of the cool crowd? I dared to do something almost no girl would do- I opted out. Half didn't care. The other half still talks to me, but I'm not as good friends with them. Why did I opt out, you ask?
Because I wanted to keep friends that would fail their cool test. I hardly talk to Katrina anymore, but I'm fine with that, for two reasons.
1. I know I'm not cool enough. Maybe I could keep up that appearance for a month, at the most, mainly because half the time they either don't understand what they're doing or pretend not to, and I can't do that. When I understand what's going on, which is most of the time, I can't pretend not to.
2. She is NOT the same Katrina I hung out with. Maybe deep down she still is, but on the outside? I hardly recognize her.

I have a rigid set of values.
I believe you should be able to trust your friends.
I believe you should be someone your friends can trust.
I believe friends shouldn't go "out of style".
I beleive about half of the popular kids (at least of those I know) should go die, because no one wants their freakin' snottiness, no matter what they think.
The popular kids... how I could go on and on. There are people like Manda, Neddie, and Yana- people who are popular because they're nice and are kind to everyone. (if I got out of the little hole I make for myself, sitting with I book, I could possibly join these people.) But then there are... others, who get where they are by being ruthless, cutting people down, and wearing designer clothes, and people listen to them because they don't want rumors spread about them. The first group will grow up to be the great people of the world, maybe doctors or vets. The second will claw their way up that ladder, and once their at the top, people like me, who are fed up with their crap (sorry, there's just no other way to describe it) will finally get the chance I've always dreamed of, which is to kick their scrawny butt all the way back down.

Yes.

Also, insult me, I look at you with this, "Who, me?" look on my face (at least, I try to, sometimes the insult is too great to just do that to). Insult my friends, and you will get a BUTT WHOOPING. I don't care about myself, I put myself down anyways, but mean girls, try that insult again out of school and see where it gets you. I am dead serious, and I will start enforcing this. I mean it. Why do you get such a kick out of insulting people, yet if we call you a loser, you either go, "Ugh!" and storm off, or go crying to mommy? Hel-loo, can we see who's the stronger group yet?

2008-08-04T21:23:00.000-04:00

Mood: P.O.'ed, and you will see why.
Listening to: the beeping noise as Viroku tries to talk to me (sorry dude! I just want to get this down!)
Reading: Japanese Phrases for Dummies
Watching: Pass the Plate! (on Disney Channel)
Playing: Aveyond, both 1 and 2.
Eating: a granola bar (btw, I actually LIKE granola bars)
Drinking: nothing

Ok, I had a "shower moment" as my 5th grade teacher called them. (Meaning she had a wonderful idea while in the shower, from whence most of her great ideas come from.) I realized, once again, why the heck I don't want to be popular. First of all, I wish to share a story:
I have, had, a friend, let's call her Katrina (one of my many nicknames for her). Well, when we entered sixth grade, we had had an argument: I said I'd rather be uncool, because I knew I could trust my friends, she said she'd rather be cool and popular, because thn she'd be, well, cool. I said I didn't understand that, she said she'd NEVER wish uncoolness over popularity. I told myself she was just ambitious and let it lie. So we went into sixth grade the best of friends. Almost instantly, she unconsciously mimicked the popular and cool people- their attitudes, their mannerisms, their styles, everything. Continued tomorrow, lack of sleep.

2008-08-04T20:19:00.000-04:00

Mood: Wanna get up and dance!
Listening to: I Kissed a Girl by Katy Perry
Reading: Japanese Phrases for Dummies
Watching: George of the Jungle (The TV show, not the Movie.)
Playing: Aveyond, both 1 and 2.
Eating: nothing
Drinking: nothing

Oh my god. Camp was a blast. See, I went to Lions Camp Merrick, a diabetes camp in Maryland. And I had the BEST time. My times there will be revealed as I remember stories. Like the Camp Merrick Olympics! Italy vs Australia.... Italy won, 880 to 900. I was on Italy, so I was so glad we won, since normally whatever team I'm on sucks. Well, that's partly because I'M on the team! *laughs*

Well, I'm learning Japanese now. I can already:
~Count to ten
~Say "The cat is strange"
~Say "Good Morning (informal)", "Good Afternoon", and "Good Evening"
~Say "Give a cat coins" (or something like it) (It's their version of "pearls before swine")
~Tell you what the names "Ai", "Takeo", "Kimiko", "Akiko", "Mayumi" and "Kuroda" mean

Which, since I've only been at this for 2 days, is pretty good, especially for the fact that I am almost at the "hard to teach" age, which means 13 and older, and that I am a native speaker on a language based in latin, and this is my first language that I'm learning that ISN'T based off latin.

I seriously just sit here most the day reading my Japanese Phrases for Dummies book, borrowed from our dear friend the local library~

Dressupchallenge.com

2008-07-20T13:55:00.001-04:00

I love this site, as well as polyvore.com. But why am I writing a blog piece on it? Cause I'm completely bored.

So, being my weird self, I decided to do an experiment. I put on my playlist on youtube and wait for a good song, then make the first outfit that pops into my head. I have a grand total of 9. And I'm having such fun; I'm making outfits I never would've thought of. The songs I've used so far are as follows:
Lucky- Britney Spears (No, I DON'T want your opinion on Britney.)
Teenagers- My Chemical Romance (Note- don't listen to this one if you're under 13. It has a repetetive cuss word, aka, the same cuss word in it more than once.)
Around the World (La la la la la)- ATC
Love Will Find a Way- The Lion King. Er, one of them. I really don't know.
Me against the World- Simple Plan
I Write Sins not Tragedies- Panic! At the Disco
Desert Rose-Sting
I wanna be perfect- The Zeta Bytes. You know, from that movie. By disney.
Welcome to my Life- Simple Plan

On dressupchallenge I'm SubakuNoLily. Look for me~

Now I'm depressed because I realized how close "Welcome to my Life" and "I'm just a kid" match my life. *sighs* I'm so happy on the outside, but if I directly followed my heart, I'd be lying on the bed in a "C" position, sobbing as though my heart will break. I'm that sad inside.

But don't worry about me. I make it through each day. You all just have your fun, and don't worry about me.

Seriously. That was NOT reverse psycology. If there's one thing I hate more than scorn, it's pity. I can't STAND being pitied. It's the best way to get me to yell at you, actually.

Humor (or lack thereof)

2008-07-19T20:51:00.000-04:00

Apparently, the friend was kidding. I'm sorry I blew it out of proportion, my friend. But I must say- you have a strange sense of humor.

A very very strange sense of humor.

And/or lack thereof.

...

YOU KNOW I LUVS YAH~

By the way, I'm just now thinking on this, because of the 'Trial' I faced today.
Some girls are elated to be girls. I am not one of them. Why are they all so happy to be part of the gender that has THE most cattiness among anything on the earth? I'm sure that komodo dragons get along better than a group of teenage girls. I gods-honest wish that I was not a girl sometimes. Not only would I be able to hang out with Alex (my friend) without having LILY LIKES ALEX OMGWTFBBQ! going on, I wouldn't have to deal with being on the edge everyday, wary of my friends freaking stabbing me in the back. That's the second thing: Most people strive to be a popular kid. Isn't school hard enough? I don't want to be the one who has to watch my back and be Little Miss Perfect for fear of my status dropping (and Honey, you can't get lower than this. *looks proud of nerdi/geekiness*). And the gossip OH the gossip! I'm not saying I go "STOP GOSSIPING!" whenever I hear someone talking. I will admit that it's my main sin: I love to hear gossip. I'll admit it. But I avoid being the center of gossip or actually gossiping myself. I listen, but I sit there reading my book demurely, and people seem to think my ears dissapear or something while I'm reading, so they go "Blab blab blab" and I go "huh, I wonder if that's true" or "That does NOT sound like something _______ would do". I actually zone out of the words. I gaurentee, if you are gossiping near me, and you watch me over the other persons shoulder, you will not see me flip the page, because I'm not actually read. I'm such a bad girl~
Anyways, the point is... WTH IS UP WITH THE CATTINESS OF GIRLS? That and- I DO NOT WANT TO BE POPULAR AND YOU WILL NOT CHANGE MY MIND OR MY HEART, NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY!

Thankyouforlisteningandhaveagoodday.

Me, myself, and I want to beat the living daylights out of people.

2008-07-19T13:33:00.001-04:00

When will people give it up? I'm NOT going to be a pushover anymore, I'm NOT going to follow your every instruction like you're some "God/Goddess on earth". If you're used to that treatment, too bad, cause I'm not going to treat you like some damn princess/prince.

Anyone wondering what the heck my bad mood is about? Well, I spend a lot of time on the computer, as you most likely realize by now. But I don't give a rats butt as to my status message unless I really feel I have something to tell EVERYone. So I'm searching something on youtube (I think, I don't keep records :P). And I hear the tell tale -beep- that means someones trying to talk to me. So I go and all I see is "Aaaaaaaaaaaaa" from one of my friends. So I say "what? Why "aaaaaaaaaaa"?". She replies with "You're so dumb." So I think what anyone else would think at this point- "wth?"
Me: wth?
Her: Why don't you have a status message?
I look- sure enough, my message from last night was deleted. So I re-put it up, and the person puts that line, plus some lines from another song (the message was a line or two from "Me against the world"). I said she mixed the two together. She said "duh". I said, well, I'd accidently done it before, but I'm a spaz, so I don't count. She said no, you don't. I said, that's mean. She said, ya, deal. And change your status. I said, what if I refuse to deal, and no, I like it. She said "Shut up loser. I'll block you. You're annoying." I said, I'm being me! I don't want to be controlled! She said, yeah. That's the problem.
At that moment, I felt that she had shoved a knife under my ribs. I had known her since Kindergarten. What the HELL was going on? I said she was horrible, she said "ok then." I said, I don't want to be controlled! (If this was real life, I would've been howling by then. Yes, I howl my words when I'm mad.) I said, I want to be ME. She gave me the devil face. I said, not funny. Not one bit funny. She said, Temarri. (Temari is my internet name, and the current name I use for chat.) I had had it. She left, and I didn't even notice. I still howled at her:
me: OH SHUT UP! I DO WHAT I DO FOR A REASON! And what about you? Do you have a reason for striking me down repeatedly? What happened to those years of friendship? You just ripped those down in 5 quick minutes.
Then I realized she was gone, and started to cry. Where was my friend? Where had she gone? The one I invited to my birthday, the one who always invited me to hers? The one I'd been with for seven years? Where was she? I wanted her back so desperately. I wanted her to say, "I'm sorry, someone hacked my account, I didn't mean a word of that, it wasn't me."

But deep in my heart, I feel it was her.
What did I do? What did I say that was so wrong that she had to send me into misery? Not having a status message? It has to be deeper than my personality; if she didn't like my personality she would have told me so a long time ago. So what happened? What did I do? Where is that girl I knew? Where is my friend?

Natural Superstitiousness...

2008-07-18T09:42:00.000-04:00

If you've read my earlier posts, you'll know I am superstious to the point it governs what I do. Also, if you haven't guessed, I absolutely love anything Japanese or Oriental Asian. So when I read a fanfic that involved Japanese superstitions, I thought to myself- "Holy crud! How come I never though to look those up?"

So I did. Now I am very afraid of the number 4. If you try to make me accept something in a set of four, I'll do one of two things. I'll either refuse to take it, or, in case that would be mean, I will simply 'finish' or reduce the set. I'll either "lose" a piece (which would be sad) or try to make a piece to finish the set, and make it five.

I know most of you will be looking at me (my post, whatever) as if I'm crazy (unless you too know the superstition). But I'll leave you with this: the Japanese word for 4 is death (if I'm not mistaken).

Woo! Today rocks, too!

2008-07-14T19:19:00.000-04:00

This must be my best week ever. EVAR. In addition to what I said before, not only will we MAKE a super awesome cloak, but I will not have to pay a penny for it. Not one. Stinkin. Penny. It went a little something like this...
Mom: Your cloak adds up to... $34
Me: D:
Mom: You need that money to get in, right? I'll pay for it, since your being responsible.
Me: :O

...

Me: :D I love you Moooooom! *hugs mother tightly*

She also got me some black material to make a skirt. Wether I will wear this skirt and an as of now unowned purple chinese style shirt, or a black (elegant!) dress my friends loaning me, I do not know. But It'll be awesome either way! My cloak is apparently called a "highway man" cloak, and will look like the image in the upper right (except the material is less shiny).

Picture from Carpatina.com .

Error! Error! Crud Crud CRUD!

2008-07-13T15:04:00.001-04:00

BIG ISSUE.

If we can't raise over $60 by October 11, we can't go to Anime USA!!! Unless, of course, Jet refuses to come, but that would suck so we're really hoping she will. ANYways, If anyone has a good idea to raise money, please comment, telling us your great idea. It would mean so much if you gave us an idea, because it may get us there; our first Anime Convention. (total geeks? YOU BET!)

NOTE: We are NOT asking you to give us money! Because that would equal begging, and begging for free money on the web= LAME. What we want are ideas, so that we can raise enough to get to the place, plus get some souvenirs if at all possible. So send in those ideas! We'll be waiting!

This is the best week EVAR

2008-07-12T16:08:00.000-04:00

Isn't life grand? Ok, so here are a couple of reasons that my week rocked.

1. I go to Borders, with about $20, give or take a few cents. My total purchase would equal $22. Then I remember the coupon booklet I got for not procrastinating like usual and reading 8 novels. It has a "20% off" coupon for Borders, which means I do not have to put back any of my three books, ttyl, a fruits basket fanbook, or my spiffy new sketch book, which I got so I can take it to camp.

2. My brother, Ryuu, has not yet tried to kill me, between Aqua-Basketball and catch with a splash ball. He aims for my head normally, which he hasn't done yet this week. Yay!

3. I might go to Anime USA!!! This makes me deliriously happy. If I do go, then I'm cosplaying as Saki Hanajima. Watch for me!

4. In keeping with the whole "Saki Hanajima" theme, I get to spray paint a parasol/umbrella black, since we cannot find a black umbrella/parasol that doesn't fold up real tiny when you close it. So we're going to take this crayola umbrella from my way past and spray paint it black! I love spray paint, it's the best. I also might be spray painting a fan I got from the dollar store.

5. I MIGHT GO TO ANIME USA HOLY CRUUUUUUUD!

6. If I save up all my money, and sell back the 8 games I don't want anymore, I'll not only have enough to get in, but I can fill my empty shelf with Yuki/Kyo/Momiji/Megumi/Saki merchandise. That shelf is not normally open- I cleaned it off especially so it could serve the honored purpose of "Fruits Basket Merchandise Holder". It actually looks so creepy; it's the only close to empty, including my "Shrine Shelf". (By the way, the only bad part of this week is I nearly screamed because of the Demon Doll. I think she was mad because I had pulled out this silkly red material, and said "I think I'll make something out of this for you," then decided not to. That doll is possessed, I tell you! Possessed!)

Anime USA '08 FTW!

Leave be!

2008-07-10T18:07:00.000-04:00

WHEN? WHEN WILL PEOPLE DECIDE TO LET ME LIVE THE WAY I WANT? HUH? I missed two of my friends while I was at the pool; they tried to talk with me on IM, which I leave on nearly 24-7. So I come back and think "Oh geez, I hope they aren't mad at me! That would kill my happiness for today!" So I put my status as varying words of "Sorry" and "Did I make you mad?"

Later, one of my other, eh, aquaintences, (not close enough to be friends, but I don't hate him either), asked why I was saying sorry. So I told him: I went to the pool, and when I came back I saw the empty IM's and was scared they thought I was ignoring them. He replies with: Please go to the pool instead of sitting at your computer all day g2g.
This
ticked
me
off.

For the main point; this was one of the first times I actually got on the computer that day. The other time? I checked my email, did my dailys (forums, dressupchallenge.com, etc.) and walked away to read a book. After that I left the chat up, because I have two friends who I can't talk to otherwise and don't get on often. So you see, this puts me at roughly... 30 minutes at the computer. (Some people might not get on even that much, but I do.) I have to give it to him, some days I do sit here a long time. But after swimming for 2 and a half hours, this was not what I wanted to hear. I need to calm down. Where's Furuba book 13 when you need it, dangit?!

Superstitiousness Sucks.

2008-07-10T10:03:00.000-04:00

Lately, I've felt kinda pressured, but my brains on the fritz. I've written over 20 fanfics for Naruto! Why is it so hard to write one for Fruits Basket? Every time I try to write one, I feel awkward, almost like if I write something wrong, Kyo is going to burst through the door and beat me into a pulp, which would be really cool if it wasn't me he was beating up. Also, I feel cuss words are needed, and I don't like writing cuss words, as much as they run through my head. I feel like I'm being watched, which is kinda creepy cause Da and Ryuu (my older brother) are both upstairs. The only one behind me is my guinea pig, Inky. Holy- I knew that guinea pig hated me! Please don't hurt me, guinea pig...

I've heard too many stories. It's hard for me to fall asleep, and it's all Anne's fault! Anne is a doll that's part of a diorama on my bookshelf. It's not really a diorama, more of a... shrine? Either way, it's my inspiration for a story that I keep forgetting to work on. In the two back corners sit two "Dolls of the World" Barbie dolls. (STFU, people who are going to judge me for have dolls.) One I named Anne- The "Doll of the World" Portugal, who has fly-away black hair under a golden net-crown and wears a red dress with puffy sleeves. The other doll, Emmaline, is "Doll of the World" Ireland, who has Red-gold hair and a green dress. But her dress is more... civilian-y? It's more everyday than Anne's. Anne (this is all coming from my story) is mean, ladylike, and spiteful, Emmaline is kind, fun, and adventurous. But guess which one I can see from my bed? That's right- Anne. I am extremely superstious. So I've heard all these stories in which evil dolls start to get angry with their owners, and eventually kill them. In the daylight, I think like a normal person- "It's a freaking doll! It can't hurt me!" but at night, I get freaked out. So last week I decided to placate Little Anne. So I found some faux fur, and without thinking, cried, "This would be lovely on you Emmaline!" And cut it to size, making a little shawl for the doll. I looked over at Anne. Was it just me, or was the doll frowning? It was probably just me, but I looked furiously throught my drawers, until I found more faux fur, this time in black, cut it to size, and draped it around that evil little dolls shoulders. I look away, I look back. She seems to be smiling again, almost smirking. Her face seemed to have a "I have you in my grasp" look to it. I shuddered and ran out of the room. So now, when I go to sleep, I have to push into the pillow or blanket, so that I can't see that dolls pale face leering at me in the dark room. That doll scares me. Stupid, right? But I'm even more scared to try to hide her away, or she might take offense and want revenge, ne? Ugh, what's a girl to do?

Hey there

2008-07-09T11:07:00.001-04:00

I decided I just have too much on my mind to just sit here anymore. So I found blogspot, and lo and behold here I am. I don't expect people to actually read this. *shakes head, grinning* No one wants to hear me rant, ne? Oh well. The point is now I have a place to rant other than in my head, which would probably have driven my crazy.

Last night, I was on my way back from the Nationals game. Without speaking, I looked up into the sky. It was pure black- no stars, no clouds. I was wearing pure black- black skort, black tee-shirt, black hair tie. I looked up there, and wished I could go into the sky and escape. No one would be able to find me. I could've broken into the night and never been found again. But I didn't, and here I am. But I never wished for something more than I did that night. I wanted to be free.